Women's Issues

As stated in the Relief Society Declaration the Women of the Relief Society of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, "increase our testimonies of Jesus Christ through prayer and scripture study."

Joseph Smith read a verse of scripture, James 1:5, that led him to pray and seek guidance, and that scripture is in the Bible. That scripture is to "anyone." I am "anyone." When I was seeking in my youth and looking for a church to belong to, the idea that I could receive my own answers directly from the Lord, appealed to me. I had learned from reading in the Book of Acts, in the New Testament that "God was no respecter of persons." I did not need to be a missionary or a minister to pray and study the scriptures. As I prayed and received answers and impressions that guided me, my testimony in Jesus Christ grew. As I studied the scriptures and applied the knowledge and spiritual promptings I received from studying the scriptures, my testimony in Jesus Christ grew.

Through scripture study I have learned many things about prayer and these things draw me closer to Christ and build my testimony in Him. First, I learned to pray a sincere prayer and not a memorized one, or "vain repetitions." Then I learned to "pray without ceasing." I do pray often and I discovered that I can carry a prayer in my heart by memorizing hymns, which is not "vain" repetition if I am sincere. Of course, the scripture speaks of the "song of the righteous," and this helps me remember to choose the right way and follow Jesus, which, as He says that if I will do His will, I will know whether it is of Him or His Father. His will is that I follow Him. If I am sick, I know I can call the Elders and seek a blessing, which is administered through a prayer over me and the laying on of hands. I have done this as often as I have had needed. Every Sunday, in Sacrament Meeting, my heart joins in prayer as the prayers (found in Moroni 4 and Moroni 5)are offered over the sacrament. Each of these kinds of prayers have strengthened my testimony in Jesus Christ.

I have studied scriptures in many ways. In Sunday School we study the scriptures in a four-year rotation, going through: The King James Bible (for two years,both Old and New Testaments), the The Book of Mormon (for one year), and The Doctrine and Covenants (for one year). There are times I have studied the scriptures sequentially, reading each day picking up where I left off the day before, always seeking to know what God desires that I learn, from my reading that day. There are times I went through the Topical Guide or Bible Dictionary and read things by topic, following a thread and looking up cross references. I always try to remember that it is more important to get the scriptures through me, rather than for me to get through the scriptures. If I approach reading the scriptures with an attitude and prayer to find what the Lord has for me, my testimony of Jesus Christ is strengthened, and I feel His watch-care and love for me.

As daughters of God, “our lives have meaning, purpose, and direction". (Relief Society Declaration) God loves all of us, His spirit daughters, and has a plan for our lives, a plan of happiness, also known as the plan of salvation.

“Questions like, Where did we come from? Why are we here? and Where are we going? are answered in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Prophets have called it the plan of salvation and “the great plan of happiness” (Alma 42:8). Through inspiration we can understand this road map of eternity and use it to guide our path in mortality.” Dallin H. Oaks, “‘The Great Plan of Happiness’,” Ensign, Nov 1993, 72

Though this Plan of Happiness is a road map for eternity, there is plenty of room for the individual variety of talents, gifts, and strengths of each of God’s children. Why? Though there are certain signposts which are elements that the road map provides for God’s children, these things do not make us cookie cutter Saints. Each of us is different, just like vehicles on any road will be.

Women are essential to God’s plan of happiness and have a sacred and unique role in this plan of salvation, to bear and nurture the souls of men. Only women have been given the capacity to bear children. This is a sacred trust. I marvel that God trusts us with such vital tasks. The children that women bear are spirit sons and daughters of God.

“Motherhood thus becomes a holy calling, a sacred dedication for carrying out the Lord’s plans, a consecration of devotion to the uprearing and fostering, the nurturing in body, mind, and spirit, of those who kept their first estate and who come to this earth for their second estate ‘to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them.’ (Abr. 3:25) To lead them to keep their second estate is the work of motherhood, and ‘they who keep their second estate shall have glory added upon their heads for ever and ever.’ ” (read by J. Reuben Clark, Jr. "General Epistle of the First Presidency to the Saints in Every Land, October 3, 1942)

So, we see that motherhood helps fulfill God’s purposes in bringing to past the immortality of man. God blessed women with special gifts to bear and nurture children. I find it interesting that we refer to the marriage ceremony as holy matrimony. The word matrimony comes from the Latin “mater” meaning mother, and -monium which is a Latin suffix, meaning or signifying “the state or condition.” So, Holy Matrimony quite literally means sacred, or set apart for motherhood, which is a holy calling.

“President Gordon B. Hinckley stated that “God planted within women something divine.” That something is the gift and the gifts of motherhood. Elder Matthew Cowley taught that “men have to have something given to them [in mortality] to make them saviors of men, but not mothers, not women. [They] are born with an inherent right, an inherent authority, to be the saviors of human souls … and the regenerating force in the lives of God’s children.” (Sheri L. Dew, “Are We Not All Mothers?,” Ensign, Nov 2001, 96)

As a mother of seven children and a grandmother to five grandsons, I have felt the weight of my holy calling to teach and guide my children. Yet, the knowledge that I am not alone in this task has been a boon to me. These are God’s children and I go to Him often in prayer and search the scriptures and words of the living prophets for guidance in this awesome task. I have found answers and received impressions as to what I should do. These have guided me to do the things I need to do to rear His children. I am not perfect in this. When I am not, He does not let me alone, the circumstances soon draw me to my knees, where I find peace, encouragement, and direction.

Though some women may never bear children in mortality, it is important that they understand that motherhood is not limited to bearing of children.

“Motherhood is more than bearing children… It is the essence of who we are as women... Few of us will reach our potential without the nurturing of both the mother who bore us and the mothers who bear with us.” (Sheri L. Dew, “Are We Not All Mothers?,” Ensign, Nov 2001, 96)

I have a daughter. She is single and approaching 26-years-old. She is not a mother, in the sense of having given birth. She does mother many though. She has a gift of being able to reach out to and inspire children and adults alike, by sharing stories of those who have influenced her.

One of the great sacred blessings of Church membership is to receive a Patriarchal Blessing. Often, within that blessing are further indications of the purposes that God has for you, in your life, and the unique gifts He has given you to carry out that purpose.

I watch as individual women turn to their Heavenly Father, He does help them to see and understand the meaning, purpose, and direction for a life and eternity that will lead them to everlasting joy.

Who are the women of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and what do they believe about womanhood? I feel that Mary Ellen Smoot, President of the Relief Society, answered these very questions when she introduced the world and the women of the Church to the Relief Society Declaration in a General Relief Society Broadcast held 25 September, 1999. This declaration was in response to “inquiries from outside the Church, and to remind ourselves, the women of the LDS Church, of the grand blessings of womanhood.” I feel that this is a great place to start blogging about women and women’s issues in the LDS Church.

Who are we? “We are beloved spirit daughters of God.” What does it mean to be a spirit daughter of God? God is the literal Father of our spirits and we were created in His image. With God as the literal Father of our spirits, we are all sisters, and that includes being sisters to all of God’s spirit sons.

One usually inherits their potential from their parents, and being daughters of God is no different. We also become daughters of God when we are born again.

“To be a daughter of God means that you are the offspring of Deity, literal descendants of a Divine Father, inheriting godly attributes and potential. To be a daughter of God also means that you have been born again, changed from a “carnal and fallen state, to a state of righteousness.” (James E. Faust, “What It Means to Be a Daughter of God,” Ensign, Nov 1999, 100)

and

“And the Lord said unto me: Marvel not that all mankind, yea, men and women, all nations, kindreds, tongues and people, must be born again; yea, born of God, changed from their carnal and fallen state, to a state of righteousness, being redeemed of God, becoming his sons and daughters;” (Mosiah 27:25)

As a daughter of God, we have within us attributes of our Divine parentage. Being creators are one of the most powerful Divine attributes we, as daughters of God, possess, In the Bible we first see Heavenly Father as our Creator.

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. (Genesis 1:1)

We, like our Father in Heaven, are creators, as well.

“We are all creators...Creation is one of the characteristics that defines God. He takes matter without form and molds it into stars, planets, and solar systems. “Worlds without number have I created,” He tells us.

Brothers and sisters, we are children of God. Shouldn’t we be about our Father’s business? Shouldn’t we be creators as well?” (Mary Ellen Smoot, “We Are Creators,” Ensign, May 2000, 64)

The question at this point is, what in this world are we creating, as individual daughters of God? What kind of homes are we creating? What kind of communities are we creating? What kind of future are we creating for ourselves and loved ones through the choices we make today? We create both by action and inaction. A choice not to act is still a choice. There is no middle ground.

“If you are unhappy, if you are feeling weary, troubled, or disillusioned, may I ask you to try something? Instead of dwelling on your troubles, focus instead on creating something remarkable, something of eternal significance. Nurture a testimony, strengthen a relationship, write a family history, go to the temple, serve.” (Mary Ellen Smoot, “We Are Creators,” Ensign, May 2000, 64)

I believe that it is within the scope of every daughter of God to live up to the Divine heritage within
each of us, and create something of impact for good.

In future posts, I will explore further the Relief Society Declaration.

There has been a lot said recently about a certain new children’s book. Apparently the whole premise of the book is to prepare a child for their mother’s upcoming plastic surgery. At this point I become very torn. While the nurse in me agrees that children definitely need to be told and kindly taught what is going on with their mother when she undergoes any surgery, the woman in me becomes a bit discouraged. Plastic surgery is a very strange message to be sharing with children, especially when the images and focus of the book is taking a natural, wholesome woman and mother and surgically creating something “beautiful”. Is the child who loves totally and completely supposed to now judge that love based on whether or not the mother is beautiful?

I almost wonder if the woman who is being so critical of herself is perpetuating a dangerous cycle. We already have a huge problem with eating disorders and other physical manipulations as our young teens try to make themselves pretty according to the current standards. How young does a child have to be to realize that the woman who hates her own body and criticizes herself can also be looking at the child in the same way? I used to do some counseling in a teen unit for eating disorders. Do you want to know the number one stated beginning steps toward such destructive behaviors were? Watching their mothers. Whether or not the woman was anorexic herself, she was sending a very clear message to the child that weight and shape, and being able to control those things, were more important than many others. As the teen grew it became more obvious and the woman began including the child in her comparisons. Oh yes, there were many more very serious reasons why these girls were choosing to harm themselves, but the underlying cause for choosing this path rather than another was watching women they admire spend all their time focused on their waistline.

I do realize that there is a definite place in this world for the talents of plastic surgeons. Knowing many who have had to undergo mastectomies, I consider it a great blessing for them to have the option of replacing what has been lost. There are many other valid reasons a woman might contemplate this type of surgery. I don’t think a crooked nose should be one of them. I do not see the need to take what is already beautiful and unique about women and mold it into something else. The image of an ideal woman, physically, is a changeable creature. I think we have let ourselves become a little bit too gullible. The Lord’s views on what makes a woman beautiful have never changed and still today we berate and belittle God’s creation and feel that the world’s standard is the one we should be conforming to.

It’s not just some women; I would dare to say that in this day and age it is most women. I’m just as guilty as most. Most days I never think about my rather fluffy shape or limp hair. I’m too busy living life and finding joy in it. But there are plenty of other days when I’m already frustrated or too focused on myself when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, or see a candid photo of myself and think, “ugh, who is that hideous woman”? That’s simply a part of our feminine nature that draws us to beauty. We want to reflect that in ourselves. May I boldly suggest though that we need to judge our own beauty on our Heavenly Father’s view of us, not the world’s?

I’m talking about more than saying someone is "beautiful inside", I’m talking about realizing that when we really are beautiful on the inside what we radiate outside is the most beautiful glow of all. Sure, we have flaws. This is an imperfect world. But it is still full of diversified beauty. The landscape I find beautiful, may not be the same that you appreciate, and that is how it should be. The beauty of our bodies is the same. I have never had someone come up to me and say, “thank you for helping me, but next time don’t come if you’ve got a zit on your chin.” You want to know who was thinking that as they headed out the door? Me. Because Satan did not want me to be an instrument in the Lord’s hands, He did not want me to experience a true joy that has nothing to do with whether or not my jeans fit right.

Below is the well-known poem Audrey Hepburn once quoted when asked to share her ‘beauty tips’.

“For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.”

I think I’d like to see more children’s books that teach these concepts and let the plastic surgery one gather dust on the shelf.

A couple of years ago, I was sitting in a store and a woman walked by with her pre-teen boy. The boy obviously loved his mother and was staying close to her. They were talking about getting something for Dad. The woman didn’t seem particularly attractive to me. I would describe her as average. Yet, obviously, her son thought the world of her and somewhere she had a husband who probably adored her.

I thought of myself. I know I certainly didn’t look like a movie star. I felt rather plain myself. I probably even had peanut butter on my shirt someplace. Yet, I too, had children who loved me and whose world was centered on me. I had a husband who thought I was the most beautiful woman in the world. Even with the peanut butter.

One of Satan’s most powerful attacks on women these days seems to have to do with making them feel inadequate physically. If you can make a woman feel ugly on the outside and concentrate her efforts in making herself physically beautiful and acceptable by today’s standards, maybe you can distract her from making herself spiritually beautiful.

The truth of the matter is that even the woman you think is utterly beautiful will be able to tell you something that she doesn’t like about herself, some imperfection she has. And what is considered “beautiful” changes from culture to culture and from time to time. It’s difficult to achieve a goal based on such a subjective and changing standard.

Fortunately, we have the unchangeable gospel of Jesus Christ to use as a standard for measuring our beauty. He has given us the tools we need for an interior redesign, a spiritual makeover. Here are the steps:

1. When we look in the mirror what do we see? Do we see our blemishes and imperfections? How much time do we spend trying to hide these things and make ourselves look presentable to the world?

Instead, when we look in the mirror, we need to look for signs that we have received God’s image in our countenances (Alma 5:14). We should be able to see love, faith, and the light of Christ shining from our eyes. Our face should be aglow with the happiness in the restored gospel. If there are spiritual imperfections, instead of working to hide them, we spend time repenting until we are presentable to the Lord. On our mirrors, we could put a list of things we are grateful for that we add to every day. Or maybe it might be a list of things we are good at. If you have trouble coming up with things for that list, ask a friend or family member to start the list for you and help you get started. We must remember that we are daughters of God and the most beautiful that we can be is when we reflect His love from the inside out.

2. What are we wearing and how have we adorned ourselves? The world will tell us that we need to have the latest and most fashionable clothes. Especially if we are young or have an “acceptable” figure, society expects us to flaunt it a little--a little cleavage here, a little thigh there. And we couldn’t possibly leave the house without doing our hair and putting on our makeup!

But we know that the Lord does not like it when his daughters are “haughty, and walk with stretched forth necks and wanton eyes, walking and mincing as they go, and making a tinkling with their feet…"

In that day the Lord will take away the bravery of their tinkling ornaments about their feet, and their cauls, and their round tires like the moon,

The chains, and the bracelets, and the mufflers,

The bonnets, and the ornaments of the legs, and the headbands, and the tablets, and the earrings,

The rings, and nose jewels,

The changeable suits of apparel, and the mantles, and the wimples, and the crisping pins,

The glasses, and the fine linen, and the hoods, and the vails.

And it shall come to pass, that instead of sweet smell there shall be stink; and instead of a girdle a rent; and instead of well set hair baldness; and instead of a stomacher a girding of sackcloth; and burning instead of beauty. (Isaiah 3:16-24)

Our bodies are temples and we ornament them modestly, simply, and beautifully, not with gaudiness. The prophet has asked us to wear one pair of earrings only and not to pierce our bodies anywhere else. We are not to wear tattoos. It’s actually very liberating to free ourselves from the pressure and standards of the world, keeping up with the styles that change from season to season, and the expense involved in it all. Like the righteous in the time of Alma we do not need to wear costly apparel, but we can still be neat and comely (see Alma 1:27).

We also shouldn't focus so much on the outsides of our temples that we neglect the insides. That feeling we have that we cannot leave the house without our makeup on, do we feel just as strongly about not leaving the house without our personal scripture study or personal prayer? These things are far more important than mascara and blush.

3. Another thing that women can obsess over is our weight. Most of us have a desire to be thinner. In the United States today, the media tells us that a full figure body is not desirable, nor is the pregnant body with a big, beautiful belly, and certainly not the soft and welcoming figure of a woman who has borne children! And so we walk, we run, we work out, we go to the gym, we take aerobics classes, we diet.

But I’m not sure that God cares about what our physical measurements are. He is more concerned with the size of our hearts, the generous width of our souls, the span of our hands in service, our stature when faced with trials of faith. He certainly does care about our physical bodies and our overall health. And he has given us the word of wisdom as a guide for what we should and shouldn’t put in our body for its proper functioning.

Instead of focusing on what our bodies look like when we follow the word of wisdom, the Lord tells us what our bodies will be able to do.

And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;

And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;

And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.

And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them... (D&C 89:18-20)

I think we as women should focus on what our bodies can do, rather than what they look like. Is your body healthy enough to grow a baby? Is your body strong enough to help a neighbor with yard work? Do you have enough energy to play with a niece or nephew or grandchild? Do you love to dance or play basketball or run? Is your mind strong enough and sharp enough for you to learn new things and think new thoughts? If we can do these wonderful things that the Lord has given us to do, then what our bodies look like is suddenly less important than Satan would like us to believe.

The most beautiful people we can be is when our hearts are filled with the love of God and it spills out in everything we do and say, in everything we touch. And having physical beauty can in no way compensate for a dark and empty soul.