Women's Issues

As women of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS), we are dedicated to "strengthening marriages, families, and homes." We live in a day when more than 50% of marriages in our country fail, dividing families, and wrecking homes. Latter-day Saint women are not left to their own devices, or the offerings of a crumbling culture, to fortify the marriage, family, and home. We have a prophet and God uses him to help us strengthen our marriages, families, and homes. We also have the Holy Ghost to help us apply this general counsel to our specific family's needs.

I have been working on my Master's Degree in Education. A few days ago, a friend asked about my thesis/project. I shared that as a society, parents have pushed their children into education, with little thought of teaching them how to build a happy marriage, manage family, and home. Education is important, but not to the exclusion of home and family. The result has been high divorce rates, broken homes, and dysfunctional families. Many fathers do not seem to know how to be fathers, many mothers do not seem to know how to be mothers, most struggle with debt, and few know how to maintain a home. I became LDS when I was a senior in high school, and had been raised in a home broken by divorce. The woman I was talking to is a divorcee. She said that her son needed a man in his life to help teach him how to be a man. Then she asked, "Donna, what is the solution?" Though my thesis deals primarily with the lost arts and relationships that were once nurtured in the home, I feel the best solution is found in gospel living.

Where can a person learn what they need to be a better spouse and parent, especially if they were never taught? Some of the resources the Lord has blessed us with are:

The Scriptures teach about healthy family relationships and standards of gospel living, and when the counsel found in scriptures are heeded, bring happiness into our lives.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches us principles of happy families.

General, Stake, and Ward Conferences are where we are taught standards of gospel living and we receive counsel for families, marriages, and relationships.

Relief Society and Young Women’s organizations help women strengthen testimonies through gospel teaching and teach women how to be good daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, and neighbors, as well as, skills that can help us with home, family, personal enrichment, and with provident living.

Visiting Teaching is a way to strengthen each other as women and give encouragement to women in their roles as sisters, daughters, wives, mothers, and neighbors.

The Priesthood and Young Men's organizations teach men how to administer the temporal affairs of the God’s Kingdom on earth, and how to be good sons, brothers, husbands, fathers, and neighbors.

Home Teachers can be a great blessing to single mothers, widows, families, and individual women. They teach, assist, and bless.

The Primary organization reinforces the teachings of the home and helps children be better, sisters, brothers, sons, daughters, and neighbors.

The home is the schoolroom and laboratory where these core values and skills are learned and refined. The Lord has provided families with additional helps:

The Family Guidebook teaches parents principles of establishing a happy home.

A Parent’s Guide helps parents understand good parenting practices.

The Family Home Evening Resource Manual is an excellent resource for families to use to teach gospel principles in the home, in weekly family home evenings.

With all of these wonderful examples and resources, I feel God’s love and guidance in my life and I feel strengthened and guided to be a better mother.

Women of the Relief Society organization of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, "are women of faith, virtue, vision and charity," as stated in the Relief Society Declaration.

"A woman of faith trusts God and faces adversity with hope." (Margaret D. Nadauld, “A Woman of Faith,” Ensign, Nov 2002, 73) I have been strengthened by the women of faith in my ward. These women pray for each other and nurture each other through visiting teaching and friendships.

I have a neighbor, Laverne who lost her husband ten years ago, to multiple cancers. Soon after his death she discovered that she suffers from leukemia. Each Sunday she sits in the choir seats, where the congregation can see she is still here. Over the course of her leukemia she has been on the hospice home care twice, which usually means you are in your last six months, yet she still lives. Yet, this woman continues to attend church and the temple regularly. She has shown up at my door with lovely roses that she had nurtured in her own yard. She is aware of everyone’s struggles. In lean times for us, she has climbed the stairs to our front door and brought us a Stouffer’s lasagna, to freeze and eat later. Laverne is a woman of faith, virtue, and charity, as she continues to serve and help others, even though she suffers.

My neighbor, Jackie, was dying of breast cancer and still had children in the home. She still continued to serve in her calling and attend the temple. Her children were in high school and junior high. Many women of the Relief Society took meals in, visited her to encourage her, and assist her with care for her home and family. She faced her trail with faith and vision, working to prepare her family for her death, knowing they would be together again in the resurrection.

Recently, a friend's husband, Alvin, was in need of a kidney, had been on dialysis for a few years and had a donor fall through. A young mother in our neighborhood, Tara, felt the promptings of the spirit to offer her kidney. Doctors found that she was a match and six weeks ago she gave her kidney to Alvin. This was a great act of charity for this very young woman of faith. She had vision, in exercising her faith that this man would be made whole.

These women, those they served, and those that served them, have strengthened me by their example of faith, virtue, vision, and charity over the years. As a result, I have had faith and vision to overcome adversity, have found ways to exercise charity, and have been inspired to be more virtuous.

Yesterday, March 17th, marked the 166th birthday of the Relief Society - the Women's organization of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (informally known as the Mormon Church). Some Relief Society units like this one in Cape Girardeau, Missouri commemorated this important day by performing different acts of service in their communities.

This great organization started in the Spring of 1842 when a small group of women in Nauvoo decided to pool their talents and resources together to make shirts for the Nauvoo Temple workers. From these humble beginnings, the Relief Society has now grown to over 5.6 million women in 170 countries. A few other things have changed and evolved over time in the Relief Society to meet changing needs and times but the one thing that hasn't changed is our focus on Service and Charity.

The Relief Society motto "Charity Never Faileth" is taken from 1 Corinthians 13:8. This same admonition is also found in Moroni 7:46 which reads, "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail."

In the last few weeks, I've witnessed the amazing capacity of the women of this great organization to love and serve each other as well as those outside of their circle. In my own little corner of the world, I've seen the miracle of this sisterhood come alive not once, but many times. I'd like to share with you just a few of these amazing acts of love because they've made such an impact in my life. I hope it will touch your heart as well.

An elderly sister needed surgery for a serious medical condition. This sister lives alone and has no family close by. Relief Society sisters took turns taking her to her appointments and even took time off work to be at the hospital while she was in surgery. The sisters in Relief Society also made sure that this dear sister was taken care of once she was released from the hospital. I am happy to report that this sister is doing well today.

In another incident, the sisters in Relief Society were made aware of a family that was in need of food and other basic needs. They were expecting some sort of financial help but it wasn't going to be there for at least another week. This family does not attend our Ward (local Church unit). In fact, they do not belong to our faith at all. With the help of the Ward, the Relief Society sisters organized, planned, and provided a two week supply of food and other necessities for this family. There were no other motives other than to lend a helping hand to a family in need.

This past weekend, Relief Society sisters came together to provide a simple but beautiful and memorable wedding day for a single mother. She is a recent convert and has very limited means. Together, with an efficiency that the Relief Society is known for, the sisters were soon organized into a decorating crew, a shopping crew, a cooking crew, a serving crew, and even a clean-up crew. A very talented sister made and donated the gorgeous wedding cake. Perhaps, the greatest memory that I took away from this experience was the love and joy that the sisters felt for the bride as they went about their assigned tasks. I saw the true meaning of Charity in the eyes and countenance of the Relief Society sisters. They gave of themselves freely and willingly, with no other goal in mind than to help bless the life of another.

I'm so proud to be a member of the Relief Society. I feel privileged to belong to an organization that exists to do good, to serve, and to provide Charity whenever and wherever it is needed. There's a song that we sing in Relief Society from time to time. It's called As "As Sisters In Zion" and was written by Emily H. Woodmansee with music by Janice Kapp Perry. The second verse of this hymn is particularly meaningful for me. This verse speaks to the sisterhood and the great work that sisters in the Relief Society personify. I've seen and felt of this wonderful spirit of sisterhood and Charity and I hope that you have too.

The errand of angels is given to women;
And this is a gift that as sisters, we claim:
To do whatsoever is gently and human,
To cheer and to bless in humanity's name.

A sentiment that I’ve heard quite a bit over the years in discussions of service is that sometimes "all people need is a smile". Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about that and wondering about the times in my life when a smile was all it took to change my outlook. Maybe I’m just a more morose woman than most. Or maybe my trials are just much harder than others’. But I could only come up with three times when someone merely smiling at me makes that much of a difference to me.

My own children smiling at me has been known, not infrequently, to help me out of an emotional rough spot. Seeing my offspring delighted and happy and grateful does have a healing effect on my heart.

There was once a woman who was the crossing guard at my children’s school. I met her later that year, but in the beginning she was just the crossing guard. And she always had a big smile on her face and a friendly wave for all the cars who drove by. I didn’t feel like my weekday was off to a good start until I had driven past her and smiled and waved back.

And in church, sometimes when the kids are giving me a hard time or the baby is crying inconsolably or they have created some incredible mess someplace, a smile from another parent is just enough to let me know that my plight is understood and they have sympathy and don’t think any less of me. It kind of means that we are all in this together, a sign of solidarity and compassion and understanding.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that in that situation, what was actually more helpful was the sister who offered to take my baby from me and walk her around so I could sit and peacefully listen to the message. What I felt from that sister was even greater compassion and love. She saw my difficulties and did more than merely acknowledge that they were normal, she tried to ease my burdens. In the end, I kept the baby with me, but I enjoyed a brief conversation with this sister out in the hallway that totally invigorated me and refreshed me. And in the future, when I am struggling or having difficulties, I don’t think I’d feel comfortable turning for help to the people who merely gave me the smile. But I could call up the sister who offered to help me.

I do believe that smiles can shine a little ray of sunlight into someone’s life. But I think the more effective way to help people and let them feel the love of God is to dig in with our two hands and open up our hearts and inconvenience ourselves to help bear their burdens. That’s the way of the Lord. He condescended below all things. He left his throne on high to come down to this sinful, mortal world and get his hands dirty and weary himself in our service.

Bishop H. David Burton told this story of Joseph Smith:

A group of men were talking with the Prophet Joseph Smith one day when news arrived that the house of a poor brother who lived some distance from town was burned down. Everyone expressed sorrow for what had happened. The Prophet listened for a moment, then “put his hand in his pocket, took out five dollars and said, ‘I feel sorry for this brother to the amount of five dollars; how much do you all feel sorry?’ ” The immediacy of the Prophet’s response is significant. (H. David Burton, “Tender Hearts and Helping Hands,” Ensign, May 2006, 8–11)

In 1856, there were a few handcart companies who had started out late leaving from the east and heading towards Salt Lake City. Usually, the church would send out supplies and help to the handcart companies as they drew near. But these late starting handcart companies were arriving and no one in Salt Lake knew about it. Unfortunately there were early winter storms and these companies were stuck, freezing to death, and literally starving. Finally, they were able to send a scout who told Brigham Young about their plight. The next day was General Conference. This is what Brigham Young said:

Many of our brethren and sisters are on the plains with handcarts, and probably many are now seven hundred miles [1,100 kilometers] from this place, and they must be brought here, we must send assistance to them. …

I shall call upon the Bishops this day. I shall not wait until tomorrow, nor until the next day, for 60 good mule teams and 12 or 15 wagons. I do not want to send oxen. I want good horses and mules. They are in this Territory, and we must have them. Also 12 tons [11 tonnes] of flour and 40 good teamsters, besides those that drive the teams. … First, 40 good young men who know how to drive teams, to take charge of the teams that are now managed by men, women and children who know nothing about driving them. Second, 60 or 65 good spans of mules, or horses, with harness, whipple trees, neck-yokes, stretchers, lead chains, &c. And thirdly, 24 thousand pounds [11,000 kilograms] of flour, which we have on hand. …

I will tell you all that your faith, religion, and profession of religion, will never save one soul of you in the Celestial Kingdom of our God, unless you carry out just such principles as I am now teaching you. Go and bring in those people now on the plains. And attend strictly to those things which we call temporal, or temporal duties. Otherwise, your faith will be in vain. The preaching you have heard will be in vain to you, and you will sink to Hell, unless you attend to the things we tell you. (James E. Faust, “Go Bring Them In from the Plains,” Liahona, Nov 1997, 3)

I think we have all experienced those times in life that were dark and where there seemed to be no hope. We have all had crises of faith and wondered whether God really did hear and answer prayers. We have had heartbreak and sorrow and trials that seemed insurmountable. And all around us, there are other people who are currently experiencing their own private Gethsemane.

What Brigham Young and Joseph Smith are teaching here is that service isn’t about doing the least we can possibly do to be helpful. It’s about finding out what needs to be done and doing it now, doing it regardless of the personal inconvenience it may be to us. And sometimes that may come in the form of just giving someone a much needed smile. But I think that more often than not, with the forces of Satan working so hard to bring us down, that we will be needed to give more than that. We will need to give hugs and listen. We will need to give of our time, our money, our physical labor. And the smile in conjunction with this deeper service and more thorough love is so much more meaningful than a smile is on its own.

When I was a young mother, the Relief Society was rearranging all of the visiting teaching assignments. I was excited to see who my new visiting teaching companion would be and which sisters we would be asked to visit. I was very disappointed to see that my companion was Belinda, a woman who was much older than me who had already been divorced and remarried. I didn’t think we’d have anything common. And two of the three sisters that we were assigned to seemed to have lots of problems- emotional, physical, social, and financial. They both had gruff personalities that left me intimidated and even a little frightened.

But that first month that we had our new assignment, she called me up and invited me over to her house. She had an idea for a craft we could make for the sisters we visit taught. I brought my baby over and her two girls, ages 4 and 5 played with my baby while we women “worked.” Belinda suggested that we should start out with a prayer and so we prayed to learn to love our sisters and to be guided as we prepared our lesson so that we could know what God wanted them to know and what we could do to help them.

I really enjoyed the time away from my colicky and needy baby who was briefly happy, having these two older girls dote on her. And making the craft was so much fun! While we worked, we discussed that month’s lesson and what seemed most important to us and decided which of us would present the lesson to each sister. I found that while Belinda had led a very different life from me, she was a very faithful woman from whom I could learn a lot. I enjoyed her company immensely and had a wonderful time that day.

On the day we went visiting teaching, she drove. She made sure that we prayed together as companions before entering each sister’s home. I won’t tell you that it went smoothly. It was difficult for me. The sister with many emotional needs was off-putting to me and I couldn’t wait to leave. The sister with the physical disabilities made me equally uncomfortable.

But month after month went by with Belinda and I getting together to talk, discuss that month’s lesson and do a craft or bake cookies for the sisters, and of course to pray for them. And little by little, the visits with the sisters we were assigned to were much less scary and even enjoyable. I could see them opening us to up and warming up to us. I could see them beginning to rely on us and that we were receiving inspiration on how to help them and to say the right things at the right times to buoy their spirits and give them courage in the face of adversity.

In fact, all of the friendships were blossoming. Belinda and I were getting together much more frequently than once a month and calling each other on the phone just to chat. Our families were getting together to share Family Home Evenings. We even had a garage sale together. We weren’t just visiting the sisters we were assigned to monthly. We each, separately, might drop by to say hello to them or call them up to talk.

Eventually, the assignments were changed again, but Belinda and I continued to stay in touch with each of “our” sisters. A year or so later, we moved out of state. When we went back to visit for the holidays, I still called Belinda and we would go visit “our” sisters. One year during one of my visits, one of the sisters was in the hospital and she died just a few days afterwards. I was sad to lose a friend and yet so happy that I had been given the opportunity to come to know and love this woman. I was so grateful to have been part of the Lord’s work. I know that I was an instrument in His hands to bless these women’s life. And because of it, my life was also greatly blessed.