Women's Issues

As a mother, my heart weeps for Mary, the mother of Jesus this day. What pain she must have felt to see what her son endured as He was beaten, reviled and humiliated, and crucified so mercilessly on the cross. What mother could bear to see her child in the throes of such agony? What depths of despair and grief she must have felt! I imagine she cried out when she heard her son utter words of love from the cross, "Woman, behold thy Son!" (John 19:26) Oh, blessed Mary, my heart aches at the mere thought of what you witnessed this day.

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles spoke eloquently about this Friday, when they crucified the Son of God:

On that terrible Friday the earth shook and grew dark. Frightful storms lashed at the earth.
Those evil men who sought His life rejoiced. Now that Jesus was no more, surely those who followed Him would disperse. On that day they stood triumphant.
On that day the veil of the temple was rent in twain.
Mary Magdalene and Mary, the mother of Jesus, were both overcome with grief and despair. The superb man they had loved and honored hung lifeless upon the cross.
On that Friday the Apostles were devastated. Jesus, their Savior—the man who had walked on water and raised the dead—was Himself at the mercy of wicked men. They watched helplessly as He was overcome by His enemies.
On that Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled.
It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God.
I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest.

Everything that I've learned about Mary tells me that she was a mother in every sense of the word. She would have been the kind of mother that would have rushed in to protect and defend her child without any thought to herself. I'm sure she wished that she could have taken that cup from her son if she could. How utterly helpless she must have felt. Yet, I also believe that Mary was prepared by the Lord for such a time. I believe that even in the midst of her pain and suffering, she was surrounded by angels who comforted her in her hour of need.

Mary was no ordinary maiden. She was virtuous, honorable, humble, and faithful. She was selected by God to be the mother of Jesus.

And in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God unto a city of Galilee, named Nazareth,
To a virgin espoused to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David; and the virgin’s name was Mary.
And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women.
And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her mind what manner of salutation this should be.
And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God.
And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name JESUS.
He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Highest: and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David:
And he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there shall be no end.
Then said Mary unto the angel, How shall this be, seeing I know not a man?
And the angel answered and said unto her, The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God. (Luke 1:26-35)

Words cannot express the depths of my love and gratitude for Mary, the mother of Jesus. In my mind she stands for everything that is praiseworthy and honorable about motherhood and womanhood. I know that she understood Jesus was only hers for a time, that He was meant to endure what He went through to save mankind. She knew this, yet, she was still His mother and so she suffered. Oh, how she must have suffered!

In my mind's eye I see her sorrow turn to pure joy when Sunday came. I can feel her burdens immediately lightened when she realized that He is risen. For Sunday did come! Elder Wirthlin continued;

But the doom of that day did not endure.
The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death. He ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind.
And in an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, stood before them as the firstfruits of the Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence.

As I praise and honor my Savior and Redeemer and celebrate His glorious resurrection on Sunday, I will also remember in my mother heart another mother - Mary, the mother of Jesus.

One of the differences I’ve noted between the Mormons and other Christian denominations is their view of Eve. From what I understand, many churches view Eve’s choice to partake of the fruit in the Garden of Eden as inherently wicked and that thereby she introduced sin into the world and hence all mankind are born into a state of “original sin.” This is not the view held by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Because of the Fall of Adam and Eve, all people live in a fallen condition, separated from God and subject to physical death. However, we are not condemned by what many call the "original sin."

The second Article of Faith states:

We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression

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We believe that each baby comes to earth in a state of innocence—free of the stain of sin. We believe that the infinite atonement of Jesus Christ paid the price for Adam and Eve’s transgression and thus, we are not responsible for a choice that was never ours to make. The sins of the parents cannot be answered upon the heads of the children (Moses 6:54).

In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were given a commandment not to partake of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. The reason God gives for this commandment is because in the day they eat of it, they will surely die (Gen 2:17). But additional LDS scriptures shed greater light on this. Moses 3:17 reads:

But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it, nevertheless, thou mayest choose for thyself, for it is given unto thee; but, remember that I forbid it, for in the day thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

So we understand that it was a commandment and yet it was also given as a choice with a clear consequence—death. That’s really important because they were living in the Garden of Eden in a state of immortality and innocence. Death hadn’t yet been introduced to the Garden and they didn’t have a knowledge of good and evil yet. So you have Adam and Eve in the garden with no concept of death, no concept of good and evil when Eve is deceived by Satan. If you don’t understand good and evil, how do you understand a lie? With no concept of evil, how do you comprehend Satan?

There are some who view the dialogue between Adam, Eve and God as further evidence of her wickedness. They may say that Adam puts the blame on Eve and Eve places the blame on the serpent (see Genesis 3: 8-13)—all in an attempt to get out of trouble. Nevertheless, Eve’s statement, “The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat” is simple in its truthfulness. She was deceived and she did eat. And Adam’s statement, “The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat” shows the dilemma he was placed in. He had to choose between keeping the commandment to not partake of the fruit or to keep the covenant he had made to stay with her because she was now his wife—flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone.

Eve later says, “Were it not for our transgression, we never should have had seed and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth to all the obedient.” (Moses 5:11) This is another important clue to understanding their state in the garden. For whatever reason, they were unable to procreate until after partaking of the fruit. And here is another difficult choice. Adam and Eve were already commanded to “be fuitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28). If they chose not to partake of the fruit, they couldn’t have children. If they chose to have children, then they had to partake.

In 2 Nephi, Nephi says:

And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end.

And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having nojoy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin.

But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things.

Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.

James E. Faust describes it this way:

We all owe a great debt of gratitude to Eve. In the Garden of Eden, she and Adam were instructed not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. However, they were also reminded, “Thou mayest choose for thyself.” The choice was really between a continuation of their comfortable existence in Eden, where they would never progress, or a momentous exit into mortality with its opposites: pain, trials, and physical death in contrast to joy, growth, and the potential for eternal life. In contemplating this choice, we are told, “And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, … and a tree to be desired to make her wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and also gave unto her husband with her, and he did eat.” And thus began their earthly probation and parenthood….If it hadn’t been for Eve, none of us would be here. (James E. Faust, “What It Means to Be a Daughter of God,” Ensign, Nov 1999, 100)

Some see the “curse” of Eve as further proof of a displeased God releasing his wrath on all women who now need to suffer during childbirth because of Eve’s choice. The Lord says, “Unto the awoman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children;” (Genesis 3:16). He never claims that it is a curse. Adam and Eve are now cast out of the garden and into a world where there is opposition in all things (see 2 Nephi 2:11, 15). When I think of God increasing Eve’s sorrow (in Hebrew meaning “travail” or “pain”), I remember what Nephi says about needing to know misery in order to understand joy. And I see the work of childbirth as a blessing, not a curse. Because it is through such a great sacrifice that we understand the joy and value of children.

I have seen countless depictions of the birth of Christ via paintings, books, Hollywood movies and Church productions. But there is precious little detail about His actual birth. And as a woman who has given birth seven (going on eight) times, I can’t help but think of Mary at that time and try to identify with her and try to imagine what she must have been thinking and feeling.

Surely she must have known that there was a chance that her baby would be born sometime before they returned to Galilee from Bethlehem for the census. Imagine that journey that probably actually took place in the spring rather than in winter. The average temperatures at that time of year range from the 50s to mid-60s. There is usually not much precipitation but the humidity is at about 60%.

In many of the media productions, Mary is already in hard labor by the time they arrive in Bethlehem. But in Luke 2:6, the account just says that “while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.” The distance between Galilee and Bethlehem is about 80 miles. That would have taken at least a week to travel. And there is Mary, heavy with child. I imagine that she might have had the common ailments that women today suffer in late pregnancy, sciatic nerve pain, heartburn, fatigue, Braxton hicks contractions. I imagine that she might have switched between walking and riding. Walking would have been difficult with the uterine pressure she might have been feeling, and the loose ligaments in her hips from the hormone relaxin. Walking would also have increased the frequency of contractions. It probably would have been hard for her to catch her breath because her lungs couldn’t expand all the way. So perhaps she rode part of the way. But sitting bareback on a beast of burden wouldn’t be comfortable for long and so I imagine that she would have opted to walk again.

However her labor started, it’s clear that at some point in Bethlehem she was in hard labor. She and Joseph must find some place to deliver the Christ child. The scriptural account (Luke 2:7) says nothing more than that Mary “brought forth her firstborn son” and that she “laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.” Bethlehem must have been packed with people coming to be counted for the census. I have no doubt that most rooms were taken. In addition to those difficult circumstances however, it must not have helped that Mary was probably obviously in labor at that point. The Hebrew laws regarding women with “issues of blood” (see Leviticus 15:19-23)and specifically regarding the state of uncleanness after giving birth (see Leviticus 12) would have made it necessary for everyone she came in contact with--or anyone who had even touched something that she touched--to ritually wash themselves, being unclean until evening.

And so they ended up in a stable, more like a cave than a barn, with the animals. Mary and Joseph were probably much more used to the smell of animals and being in close proximity to them than a city girl like me. But no matter how much privacy that stable provided, I can hardly imagine that she would have been comfortable in there with flies buzzing around and being on a stone or packed dirt floor no matter how much straw could be piled up around and underneath her.

And what did Joseph do? Would he have followed the strict Hebrew law regarding the touching of women with an issue of blood? Or would he have gone against convention and attended to her needs anyway? Were they alone, just the two of them? Or were there midwives (Ex. 1: 15, 17-21) available that they were able to call upon to attend Mary? Surely Mary might have been apprehensive—as any first time mother might be at the time of delivery. And here she was separated from her friends and family and delivering this precious babe in a stable. Was she full of faith and wonder and awe? Or was she mostly concentrating on the intensely physical and instinctual work of delivery?

I imagine that like most mothers, she was completely wrapped up in the baby after He was born. She might have touched His face tenderly and held her finger in His hands. She must have breastfed Him soon. Every mother thinks their own baby is beautiful and special. But she knew that He was even more so, different from every other baby. The scriptures tell us that Mary “kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart” (Luke 2:19). This paints a picture of a quiet and contemplative Mary. How much did she understand of His life’s mission? What is it like to read the scriptures about the sufferings that your child will experience (Isaiah 53:5)? What did she think when Simeon blessed her, but prophesied that a sword would pierce through her own heart (Luke 2:35)? Could she imagine that she would witness His death on the cross (John 19:25)?

I don’t know the answers to these questions about what Mary was thinking or feeling. But I know that asking the questions helps me to understand her a little better and makes the story of His birth come alive to me. When I look into the sweet faces of my own babies it breaks my heart to think of the trials and temptations and sufferings that they will face. It makes me want to try even harder to love the Savior and to be more perfect so that I can make my burden of sin as light on Him as possible.

Last night, my baby had a case of insomnia. She wasn’t sick. She wasn’t crying. She just wasn’t sleeping. And while I lay down with her, trying to get her back to sleep, I was thinking of the widow’s mite (Mark 12:41-44).

Jesus was sitting in the temple watching all the people come and donating money to the poor. Some of the people were rich and gave quite a bit. But the widow came and only cast in two mites, a paltry sum. But even though it was just a small amount, it was everything that she had. To the Savior, those two mites were worth more than all the other riches that had been cast in the treasury. Her sacrifice was worth more because she was able to give everything she had. The rich men who had more, could not part with it all and so their gifts were considered smaller.

Bruce R. McConkie has said, “When it costs us but little to give, the treasure laid up in heaven is a small one” (Bruce R. McConkie, “Obedience, Consecration, and Sacrifice,” Ensign, May 1975, 50). And one of the Mormon hymns tells us that it is sacrifice that “brings forth the blessings of heaven.”

As I continued to rub my baby’s back and sing softly to her, I pondered what parts of myself I am holding back from the Lord. What gifts have I been given? What blessings has he imparted to me that I am unwilling to share? I considered myself lying there in the dark, losing sleep to comfort my daughter and felt that surely that was acceptable to the Lord. But there are times when I am selfish with my time and resources--when I am more concerned with myself than I am about helping others who are desperately in need of God’s blessings. Sometimes I feel like I have so very little energy, time, money, patience or even desire to act that surely I must be one of the needy ones who requires the assistance!

I wonder if that’s how the widow felt? What exactly was she thinking when she gave up the last of her money as an offering to the Lord to help those who had so much less than she had? Was it hard for her? Or did she have so much gratitude and love in her heart that it was a simple thing to do? Did she go home worrying what she would eat for dinner that night? Or did she walk home happy and full of faith that the Lord would provide for her as he always had in the past? Surely, it must have warmed her heart to think that her money could help feed a child. She had to have felt the pleasure of God.

It also makes me think of other mites that are offered to me. How do I receive them? In particular, I am thinking of my children. They often give all of their loving to me. They surprise me by making my bed. They draw pictures for me. They pick dandelion flowers to give to me. They make a sandwich for a younger sibling. Unfortunately, many times I just notice the fact that I would rather have them pick up their toys in the living room than make my bed. I get frustrated with having to find someplace to put dead dandelion flowers or hang pictures. I only see the mess left in the kitchen with the peanut butter out and the bread spilled on the floor. And it makes me want to see things through the Savior’s eyes. My children may not be able to give me a king’s ransom yet. All they have is just their two little mites. But I should know that giving those freely is worth more than the greatest treasure in the world.

Martha and Mary were sisters who both received the Savior into their home. Being the good host that she was and knowing that Jesus and his disciples would need to be fed and probably washed, Martha set to work serving them and attending to their needs. Mary, on the other hand, apparently sat down at the Savior’s feet and “heard his word”. After so long of this, Martha had had just about enough. She goes to Jesus and says, “Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? Bid her therefore that she help me.” But Jesus answers her in wisdom. In today’s terms what he said to Martha might sound something like this, “Martha, you have so many things on your plate that you are worried about. But Mary has decided to do the one thing that is an absolute necessity and I can’t ask any more of her.”

Sister Beck, the general president of our Relief Society (women’s organization) has said, there are “essential things which must be done before nonessential things. These are simple, indispensable practices that almost seem mundane when we talk about them. However, they are marks of discipleship which have always been foundational for Relief Society sisters. No one can do these things for us—these are personal practices and habits that set us apart as strong and immovable for that which is correct.”

Her list of these essential things included:

1. Make and keep covenants with the Savior.
2. Are worthy and worship in God’s temples.
3. Study His doctrine in the scriptures and the words of prophets.
4. Qualify for, recognize, and follow the Holy Ghost.
5. Share and defend the gospel.
6. Participate in sincere personal and family prayer.
7. Have family home evening.
8. Live principles of self-reliance and provident living.

Furthermore, Sister Beck has also stated that Mormon women should be “selective about their own activities and involvement to conserve their limited strength in order to maximize their influence where it matters most” and that we should “choose carefully and do not try to choose it all.”

We all know what it feels like to have demands coming at us from several directions at once, to have more on our to do lists than we can possibly get done. It makes us feel frazzled and inadequate. We get burned out. And at the end of the day, although we may have actually accomplished much, did we really accomplish what was most important? How can we be sure to choose to do the needful thing which shall not be taken away from us?

Yesterday, my visiting teachers came over and as their lesson they chose the text from Sister Beck’s talk, “Mothers Who Know.” They gave me a journal to write down all the things that I’d like to get done in a day—all the demands that are placed on me, all the tasks I need to accomplish. Then, knowing that I may not be able to accomplish that all in my next 16 hours, I mark the things that are essential for me to accomplish that day. This list will always include my personal scripture study and prayer. What better way to exemplify Mary and to sit at the Savior’s feet for a few minutes each day and listen to his word? Then after that, the list may change. Right now, one of the essential things on my list is to talk to my teenager right when she gets home from school using that 20 minutes before anyone else gets home to connect personally with her. This is a crucial time for that and I can’t afford to get distracted by anything else. Another thing on my essential list is to take the time to really talk to my kids instead of just “disciplining” them when they do something wrong. It’s important to me to take those opportunities to teach from the scriptures and listen and really to talk to them about our expectations rather than just sending them to a time out. This means that if I’m washing dishes or folding laundry or on the computer when an incident happens, I need to immediately stop what I am doing and take the time to teach that child. That is essential. And folding the laundry or finishing the dishes or writing an email, while it may be pressing, is less important.

How will you become more like Mary? What will be on your essential and needful list of things to do? What are some of the less important things that you may have to let go for a while so you can do that which matters most?