Women's Issues

As women of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS), we are dedicated to "strengthening marriages, families, and homes." We live in a day when more than 50% of marriages in our country fail, dividing families, and wrecking homes. Latter-day Saint women are not left to their own devices, or the offerings of a crumbling culture, to fortify the marriage, family, and home. We have a prophet and God uses him to help us strengthen our marriages, families, and homes. We also have the Holy Ghost to help us apply this general counsel to our specific family's needs.

I have been working on my Master's Degree in Education. A few days ago, a friend asked about my thesis/project. I shared that as a society, parents have pushed their children into education, with little thought of teaching them how to build a happy marriage, manage family, and home. Education is important, but not to the exclusion of home and family. The result has been high divorce rates, broken homes, and dysfunctional families. Many fathers do not seem to know how to be fathers, many mothers do not seem to know how to be mothers, most struggle with debt, and few know how to maintain a home. I became LDS when I was a senior in high school, and had been raised in a home broken by divorce. The woman I was talking to is a divorcee. She said that her son needed a man in his life to help teach him how to be a man. Then she asked, "Donna, what is the solution?" Though my thesis deals primarily with the lost arts and relationships that were once nurtured in the home, I feel the best solution is found in gospel living.

Where can a person learn what they need to be a better spouse and parent, especially if they were never taught? Some of the resources the Lord has blessed us with are:

The Scriptures teach about healthy family relationships and standards of gospel living, and when the counsel found in scriptures are heeded, bring happiness into our lives.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches us principles of happy families.

General, Stake, and Ward Conferences are where we are taught standards of gospel living and we receive counsel for families, marriages, and relationships.

Relief Society and Young Women’s organizations help women strengthen testimonies through gospel teaching and teach women how to be good daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, and neighbors, as well as, skills that can help us with home, family, personal enrichment, and with provident living.

Visiting Teaching is a way to strengthen each other as women and give encouragement to women in their roles as sisters, daughters, wives, mothers, and neighbors.

The Priesthood and Young Men's organizations teach men how to administer the temporal affairs of the God’s Kingdom on earth, and how to be good sons, brothers, husbands, fathers, and neighbors.

Home Teachers can be a great blessing to single mothers, widows, families, and individual women. They teach, assist, and bless.

The Primary organization reinforces the teachings of the home and helps children be better, sisters, brothers, sons, daughters, and neighbors.

The home is the schoolroom and laboratory where these core values and skills are learned and refined. The Lord has provided families with additional helps:

The Family Guidebook teaches parents principles of establishing a happy home.

A Parent’s Guide helps parents understand good parenting practices.

The Family Home Evening Resource Manual is an excellent resource for families to use to teach gospel principles in the home, in weekly family home evenings.

With all of these wonderful examples and resources, I feel God’s love and guidance in my life and I feel strengthened and guided to be a better mother.

Sister Beck, our General Relief Society President, told us that “women should pattern their homes after the Lord’s house.” What does this mean? And how can we accomplish it?

In the Doctrine and Covenants, section 109, it reads:

Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing, and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;

That your incomings may be in the name of the Lord, that your outgoings may be in the name of the Lord, that all your salutations may be in the name of the Lord, with uplifted hands unto the Most High…

Let’s begin by just breaking it down into the eight steps listed above.

1. Organize yourselves, prepare every needful thing. In Doctrine and Covenants (D&C) 88:119, these verses are repeated. The footnote for “organize” refers us to search in the topical guide of the LDS scriptures the subject “Family, Managing Finances in.” This verse reminds me of Pharoah’s dream which Joseph interpreted to show Pharaoh what he needed to do during Egypt’s 7 years of plenty to prepare for the 7 years of famine.

Our prophet counsels us to have 72 hour kits prepared for emergencies, a 3 month supply of food and other items that we would need to survive and, where possible a 12 month supply. We are advised to stay out of debt and to have a savings of several months worth of income to sustain us in case of unforeseen circumstances. It’s the whole idea of working through the summer so that we can play in the winter. Being prepared gives us a measure of peace and comfort when hard times arise. Sometimes it can be overwhelming. At least for me, just trudging through my day to day responsibilities is almost too much. But there are some great ideas here on LDSblogs.com that can help us get started taking the little steps we need to do to be prepared. And if doing it all seems just a bit too much, just remember that being prepared for some things is better than being prepared for nothing.

2. Establish a house, even a house of prayer. When I think of this line, I imagine all the formal prayers that should be going on in our homes. Imagine that you and all the members of your family are having morning and evening personal prayers, then you and your spouse are having a couple’s prayer once or twice daily. And let’s not forget family prayer morning and night. Then there are the blessings on the food for three meals a day. In addition to that, there are special times of prayer such as to open and close Family Home Evening or a family council, before a priesthood blessing, or just because a child had a nightmare. And then there are the informal prayers. Singing hymns can be a prayer. In D&C 25:12, the Lord says that the song of the righteous is a prayer unto him. Alma(34:27) tells us that when we are not formally praying, “let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you.”

3. A house of fasting. Members of the Church usually join together in fasting on the first Sunday of the month. But to me, establishing a house of fasting might require more effort than that. We should not be afraid to fast at other times when we feel that we need to seek a particular blessing for ourselves or others. The Law of the Fast also includes donating money for the poor and needy. I’m sure that there are times throughout the day when we can set aside our personal comforts and conveniences to serve others and bless their lives through our sacrifice. What is our attitude about fasting? Is it something that we dread or cut short or dismiss as unimportant? Or do we love and look forward to fasting? Is it a sacrifice that we are happy to make, a cross that we willfully carry in order to make us more like the Savior? What and how are we teaching our children about fasting? We, as a people, are entitled to much more of the fullness of the Spirit of God and I think we need that Spirit in our homes. But it will require this effort from us, to give up the things of the physical world for two meals that we might enjoy the benefits of added peace and love in our homes.

4. A house of faith. I envision a house where the gospel is taught and discussed. It is a house where the teachings of the Savior are a normal part of every day life and behavior and not just relegated to the Sabbath. This type of house would be full of people trying to improve themselves by acting on what they know to be right, thus exercising that faith. And if someone’s faith falters, it’s the type of home where the family would give loving support and quiet prayers on their behalf. It would be a happy home where no matter life’s circumstances, there would be joy and peace because of the firm assurance in their hearts that Jesus had overcome the world and redeemed them.

5. A house of learning. This type of house would include learning things of the spirit as well as learning about the physical world. It begins with the woman learning all she can about those things that interest her. We know that as women we should further our education. It is a life long endeavor. How and what we choose to learn will be different for each of us and we may all take different paths. But we need to seek out knowledge “by study and also by faith” (D&C 109:7) and learn “of things both in heaven and in the earth, and under the earth; things which have been, things which are, things which must shortly come to pass; things which are at home, things which are abroad; the wars and the perplexities of the nations, and the judgments which are on the land; and a knowledge also of countries and of kingdoms— That ye may be prepared in all things…” (D&C 88:79,80).

But creating a house of learning doesn’t stop with us. How can we encourage and support our husbands? The more they learn, it will not only enrich them personally but help them to better be able to support their families.

And creating a house of learning is so important for children. It might begin with something as simple as stimulating their curiosity and trying to always to take the time to answer their questions with an appropriate answer. It might involve having them take formal classes or just providing them with books to read about their favorite topics. I think a wonderful way to create a house of learning is to work on family projects together—something fun that you can teach them yourself or that you can all learn together.

6. A house of glory. What exactly is glory? I think it is resplendent beauty and magnificence. Glory is the adoration and praise and thanksgiving we show to God. So a house of glory would be a home that is a reflection of heaven, a beautiful place that by it’s very existence bears testimony that there is a God and he is good. But I don’t think that it necessarily needs to be a beautiful home by the world’s standard. The world would have us think that to be glorious, our home must be palatial. Christ himself had neither “form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him” (Isaiah 53:2). So I would think that a house of glory is more a humble home that is made beautiful by the righteous people who live there and the work that occurs within its walls.

7. A house of order. I think this type of house would not necessarily be constantly immaculate. But it would be a house where each member of the family knows their responsibility and participates willingly in maintaining a functioning home. It would be a neat and tidy place, free from as much filth and unnecessary clutter as possible. It would be a place where beleaguered family members could come to relax and find peace.

8. A house of God. A house of God is a temple. It is the place where heaven and earth meet, a place of such cleanliness and purity that God can dwell there for a time. In the Bible Dictionary, we read that “only the home can compare with the temple in sacredness.” If we can follow the above 7 steps, I have no doubt that we will have succeeded in creating a house of God and our incomings and our outgoings will be in the name of the Lord.

Today, during our family scripture study we were reading in Exodus 5. This is the first time Moses and Aaron approach Pharaoh about letting the children of Israel go three days into the desert to offer sacrifice to the Lord. Yeah, Pharaoh doesn’t like that idea very much and basically says, “Looks like you have some time on your hands, Israelite slaves, if you want to just go traipse off into the desert for three days! You must need more to do. So now, instead of just making bricks for me all day, you’ll have to go find the straw wherever you can, by yourself, and then make the bricks. Oh, and by the way, you still have to make the same number of bricks as yesterday.”

As we were reading this passage, it struck me that I use that same tactic with my own kids. “Let’s see, I asked you to take out the trash, but you went outside to play football. So since you have soooo much time on your hands, you now also have to clean up the family room.” I wondered if that was such a good idea for me to be emulating wicked Pharoah who held the Israelites as slaves.

The immediate response of the people to Moses and Aaron was “Look what you’ve gone and done now! Since you came, things are much worse than before!” Yeah, the people were none too pleased with Moses and Aaron. And Moses and Aaron sounded pretty surprised, too. They take it up with the Lord and say, “Now things are worse than before and you haven’t delivered anyone at all!”

That’s the chapter we read this morning. When we were done reading, I commented to the kids that what I found really interesting was that BEFORE Moses and Aaron approached Pharaoh, the Israelites didn’t seem to have it very bad. I mean, it seems to me like they were slaves—sure. But they were comfortable slaves. How motivated would they be to leave their comfortable homes, their fairly easy work and leave Egypt to follow Moses into the desert? So what’s really happening here in this chapter is that the Lord is beginning to separate His people from the Egyptians. He’s helping them find their own cultural identity. He’s helping them to really understand that even when you are living the life of a comfortable slave, you are still a slave. He’s taking away some of that comfort to motivate the people to want to leave Egypt, to want to follow their prophet into the desert, to be able to endure hardships, to engender faith.

So in the end, I still feel okay about playing the part of Pharaoh with my kids. My purpose, after all, isn’t to make them do my slave labor. My purpose is to teach them how to be self-motivated, responsible, hard workers who don’t need constant supervision. I want to make it very uncomfortable for them to need to be closely monitored all the time. I want them to be able to leave their bondage of only doing things because Mom said and reach the freedom of doing things because they need to be done and they are the ones there to take care of it. And playing Pharaoh accomplishes that.