Women's Issues

As women of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS), we are dedicated to "strengthening marriages, families, and homes." We live in a day when more than 50% of marriages in our country fail, dividing families, and wrecking homes. Latter-day Saint women are not left to their own devices, or the offerings of a crumbling culture, to fortify the marriage, family, and home. We have a prophet and God uses him to help us strengthen our marriages, families, and homes. We also have the Holy Ghost to help us apply this general counsel to our specific family's needs.

I have been working on my Master's Degree in Education. A few days ago, a friend asked about my thesis/project. I shared that as a society, parents have pushed their children into education, with little thought of teaching them how to build a happy marriage, manage family, and home. Education is important, but not to the exclusion of home and family. The result has been high divorce rates, broken homes, and dysfunctional families. Many fathers do not seem to know how to be fathers, many mothers do not seem to know how to be mothers, most struggle with debt, and few know how to maintain a home. I became LDS when I was a senior in high school, and had been raised in a home broken by divorce. The woman I was talking to is a divorcee. She said that her son needed a man in his life to help teach him how to be a man. Then she asked, "Donna, what is the solution?" Though my thesis deals primarily with the lost arts and relationships that were once nurtured in the home, I feel the best solution is found in gospel living.

Where can a person learn what they need to be a better spouse and parent, especially if they were never taught? Some of the resources the Lord has blessed us with are:

The Scriptures teach about healthy family relationships and standards of gospel living, and when the counsel found in scriptures are heeded, bring happiness into our lives.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches us principles of happy families.

General, Stake, and Ward Conferences are where we are taught standards of gospel living and we receive counsel for families, marriages, and relationships.

Relief Society and Young Women’s organizations help women strengthen testimonies through gospel teaching and teach women how to be good daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, and neighbors, as well as, skills that can help us with home, family, personal enrichment, and with provident living.

Visiting Teaching is a way to strengthen each other as women and give encouragement to women in their roles as sisters, daughters, wives, mothers, and neighbors.

The Priesthood and Young Men's organizations teach men how to administer the temporal affairs of the God’s Kingdom on earth, and how to be good sons, brothers, husbands, fathers, and neighbors.

Home Teachers can be a great blessing to single mothers, widows, families, and individual women. They teach, assist, and bless.

The Primary organization reinforces the teachings of the home and helps children be better, sisters, brothers, sons, daughters, and neighbors.

The home is the schoolroom and laboratory where these core values and skills are learned and refined. The Lord has provided families with additional helps:

The Family Guidebook teaches parents principles of establishing a happy home.

A Parent’s Guide helps parents understand good parenting practices.

The Family Home Evening Resource Manual is an excellent resource for families to use to teach gospel principles in the home, in weekly family home evenings.

With all of these wonderful examples and resources, I feel God’s love and guidance in my life and I feel strengthened and guided to be a better mother.

As daughters of God, “our lives have meaning, purpose, and direction". (Relief Society Declaration) God loves all of us, His spirit daughters, and has a plan for our lives, a plan of happiness, also known as the plan of salvation.

“Questions like, Where did we come from? Why are we here? and Where are we going? are answered in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Prophets have called it the plan of salvation and “the great plan of happiness” (Alma 42:8). Through inspiration we can understand this road map of eternity and use it to guide our path in mortality.” Dallin H. Oaks, “‘The Great Plan of Happiness’,” Ensign, Nov 1993, 72

Though this Plan of Happiness is a road map for eternity, there is plenty of room for the individual variety of talents, gifts, and strengths of each of God’s children. Why? Though there are certain signposts which are elements that the road map provides for God’s children, these things do not make us cookie cutter Saints. Each of us is different, just like vehicles on any road will be.

Women are essential to God’s plan of happiness and have a sacred and unique role in this plan of salvation, to bear and nurture the souls of men. Only women have been given the capacity to bear children. This is a sacred trust. I marvel that God trusts us with such vital tasks. The children that women bear are spirit sons and daughters of God.

“Motherhood thus becomes a holy calling, a sacred dedication for carrying out the Lord’s plans, a consecration of devotion to the uprearing and fostering, the nurturing in body, mind, and spirit, of those who kept their first estate and who come to this earth for their second estate ‘to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them.’ (Abr. 3:25) To lead them to keep their second estate is the work of motherhood, and ‘they who keep their second estate shall have glory added upon their heads for ever and ever.’ ” (read by J. Reuben Clark, Jr. "General Epistle of the First Presidency to the Saints in Every Land, October 3, 1942)

So, we see that motherhood helps fulfill God’s purposes in bringing to past the immortality of man. God blessed women with special gifts to bear and nurture children. I find it interesting that we refer to the marriage ceremony as holy matrimony. The word matrimony comes from the Latin “mater” meaning mother, and -monium which is a Latin suffix, meaning or signifying “the state or condition.” So, Holy Matrimony quite literally means sacred, or set apart for motherhood, which is a holy calling.

“President Gordon B. Hinckley stated that “God planted within women something divine.” That something is the gift and the gifts of motherhood. Elder Matthew Cowley taught that “men have to have something given to them [in mortality] to make them saviors of men, but not mothers, not women. [They] are born with an inherent right, an inherent authority, to be the saviors of human souls … and the regenerating force in the lives of God’s children.” (Sheri L. Dew, “Are We Not All Mothers?,” Ensign, Nov 2001, 96)

As a mother of seven children and a grandmother to five grandsons, I have felt the weight of my holy calling to teach and guide my children. Yet, the knowledge that I am not alone in this task has been a boon to me. These are God’s children and I go to Him often in prayer and search the scriptures and words of the living prophets for guidance in this awesome task. I have found answers and received impressions as to what I should do. These have guided me to do the things I need to do to rear His children. I am not perfect in this. When I am not, He does not let me alone, the circumstances soon draw me to my knees, where I find peace, encouragement, and direction.

Though some women may never bear children in mortality, it is important that they understand that motherhood is not limited to bearing of children.

“Motherhood is more than bearing children… It is the essence of who we are as women... Few of us will reach our potential without the nurturing of both the mother who bore us and the mothers who bear with us.” (Sheri L. Dew, “Are We Not All Mothers?,” Ensign, Nov 2001, 96)

I have a daughter. She is single and approaching 26-years-old. She is not a mother, in the sense of having given birth. She does mother many though. She has a gift of being able to reach out to and inspire children and adults alike, by sharing stories of those who have influenced her.

One of the great sacred blessings of Church membership is to receive a Patriarchal Blessing. Often, within that blessing are further indications of the purposes that God has for you, in your life, and the unique gifts He has given you to carry out that purpose.

I watch as individual women turn to their Heavenly Father, He does help them to see and understand the meaning, purpose, and direction for a life and eternity that will lead them to everlasting joy.

Go on, admit it. Every mother’s been there. It’s what we do every single day of our lives. We are faced with this huge task of taking a totally dependent little bundle of joy from point A to point B (where they are a happy, productive adult member of society). Subconsciously, we just know we are failing. Subliminally, we recognize that we’re just making things more difficult for ourselves. Yet, we can’t seem to force ourselves to do things differently. We cling to the silliest things, and let go of some of the most practical. We secretly idolize our own mothers (whether we hate them or not) because they did manage to make it to point B, but we have no real idea how they did it. We openly fear exposure of our inadequacies and keep on going as if we know exactly where we are headed and what we are doing.

There is so much information available to us as mothers. Information that tells us: just what to expect, when to expect it, where to take our children on vacation, why we shouldn’t feed them red dyes, reasons to co-sleep and reasons not to co-sleep. We are completely informed, and completely helpless. Surely, we can’t be considered good mothers if we aren’t reading to our children for at least 30 minutes every day, or let our 1-year-old watch television while we take a shower. Shall I continue?

For my own part, I think I have figured out at least one thing. It’s all about love. I love my children so much that I’m almost desperate to make sure I don’t inadvertently mess up their entire lives. The key is that love. I need to remember that love, stuff, activities and bedtime stories are different. Maybe all I really need to get to point B is simply love. Love the way my child understands it, rather than the way I think they should understand it.

Perhaps the places we need to look are really simplistic in nature.

James E. Faust gives some beautiful advice for mothers. His advice?

“May I suggest that you take your challenges one day at a time. Do the best you can. Look at everything through the lens of eternity. If you will do this, life will take on a different perspective.”

James E. Faust, “Instruments in the Hands of God,” Ensign, Nov 2005, 114

Then, we can get a little more specific.

“It is my prayer that the Spirit will burn within you, that you will have a greater desire to strengthen your family now and prepare for your future family. The scriptures are filled with ways to teach us how to strengthen our families. There is no greater teacher than the Savior. As you study His teachings and follow His example, you can make your family life better. Let’s talk about three principles that will help you strengthen your home and family:

• Nurturing
• Sacrifice
• Prayer

To nurture means to support each other, to encourage each other, to nourish and love each other. Are we doing this in our families?

The Savior Himself taught us to nurture. Many times He said, “How oft have I gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and have nourished you” (3 Ne. 10:4).

The Savior is so proud of you. He knows what you’re going through. He understands how hard it is for you to make sacrifices. The Savior taught us to sacrifice. He sacrificed His life for all mankind.

As you help strengthen your family, prayer must be a consistent, daily part of your life. Prayer will protect you from the adversary, give you peace, and help your families love each other more.

How can you use prayer to strengthen your family? Because Heavenly Father loves you so, He wants you to talk to Him. Whatever struggles you may have, you can pray about anything. . .

Pray over problems that worry you! Don’t give up. Heavenly Father can and will answer your prayers. I have had many prayers that have been answered. I also have prayers that have not been answered yet. Our prayers will be answered in the Lord’s time when we are ready.”

Carol B. Thomas, “Strengthen Home and Family,” Ensign, May 2002, 94

A mother’s love is desperate and eternal. We face such a great challenge trying to raise our children up to their full potential. It’s often overwhelming and sometimes discouraging, but you are not left alone. Look to the simplest part of your love, the core at the very center of your heart that mirror’s God’s own love for you. Draw from the strength that can give and focus on the basics.

Take it one day at a time, with:
Faith
Nurturing
Sacrifice, and
Prayer

There are so many demands on a woman’s time. We live in an age which has taught us that women can be anything that they want. Quite honestly, it’s instilled another belief as well. Not only do women feel more empowered to be anything they had somehow gotten the notion that means they need to “be” everything. Somehow, in the process of empowering women to their natural abilities to excel and come off conqueror in any battle they might find themselves in, we have managed to back ourselves into a corner fighting more battles than anyone could win on their own.

It comes back down to the basics. The part of the “be anything” philosophy that gets conveniently over looked is making conscious choices. Instead of anything we want, our ideas become morphed into anything everyone around us needs, plus what we want. Yes, women are amazing creatures. We do have almost unlimited capacities for good, but we also have almost unlimited capacities of other God-given attributes: nurturing, compassion, care, protection, love and many other beautiful parts of our nature. These serve a distinct purpose. They allow women to almost instantly develop an attachment to a child, even before it is born, and to see the needs of those weaker around us and be compelled to help and nurture. The down side is, at the same time these attributes work in our favor, they also work against us. This is where the feelings of inadequacy and failures stem. Though these are not God-given emotions, Satan uses the things we value most (our feminine, caring natures) to tell us we are lacking.

We take that “be anything” philosophy and combine it with our desires to be anything our family, spouse, children, or friends needs us to be at any given time. We take our desires to the extreme, seeing it as a personal failure when those we love face sorrow or challenges we feel we should have been able to protect them from or nurture them through. We morph “be anything” into “be everything and be the best at it” because that is what we perceive the world is asking of us.

This is how Satan uses our righteous desires against us. “Be everything” is not what the Lord asks of us. His desires for the women of the world are very clear and simple.

First and foremost is simply His plea: Come Unto Me. His desire is for us to develop our spiritual nature and draw closer to Him in everything that we do.
Next: Develop your talents and love for life.
Plus, when possible: Develop a gospel-centered marriage and nurture children.

It is understood that in trying your best in these areas (not to be the best, but to be your best) can come with some monumental tasks. There are many women who have no choice to put on the additional hat of wage earner, or caretaker for both aging parents and small children. The challenges of this life are huge. But God would have you understand that He understands and will help you, if you let Him.

I think of the story of Mary and Martha. I see both women as beautiful examples of the daughters of God trying their best. One saw a need for food and nurturing for the Lord she loved dearly. The other loved just as deeply but ignored the physical tasks of caring for Him in order to have a chance to sit at the Master’s feet. Neither woman’s activities were necessarily wrong, but when Martha complained about Mary’s lack of involvement, the Master kindly reminded her of the needful thing, and an ability to choose the good part. He recognized Martha’s tendency to be “careful and troubled about many things” and kindly reminded her that she could not be everything all at once. It’s a matter of choice where we are required to choose the good part, or the part that will have the most lasting effect for us, and those around us.

There is a little bit of Mary and Martha in each woman. Even so, the Savior would have us remember to choose wisely. He asks us first to come to know Him, then to come to know ourselves, then to reach out and touch the lives of others. These tasks can very rarely come out of order. Perhaps Martha’s expectations for what her Lord and Master needed for a meal were far greater than the actual need. Perhaps Mary could have been a little more attentive to her sister’s goals and desires and helped her so that there was time for both to hear the gospel. Perhaps Martha should have chucked the housework altogether that day.

With the Lord’s guiding hand, it is up to each of us to decide. It may be that some things should drop out of our lives completely, others may need to be placed on hold, something else may need to be brought in, and still others may need to be weighed on a daily basis. In any case, He does not want us to become so weighed down with those things that we feel we need to do that we lose our joy for the things that really matter.

Nowhere has He ever said, “Thou Shalt be Super Woman or you’ll never be good enough.” He has promised us that He will help carry our burdens, that He will help us choose the good part, that He will remind us not to run faster than we have strength. All He asks in return is that we first, come unto Him.

The last paragraph in the Proclamation on the Family is a plea from the first presidency. It is a request for me and for you to act.

We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

Now, I have to be honest with you. I am a political black hole. I live a life that revolves around missing homework, diaper changes, stretching the grocery budget, and kissing owies. And within that blissful bubble, few political issues enter. And those that I do become aware of, I rarely give my attention or thoughtful time to consider. And it's a shame.

It's a shame because in the Young Women program of the church, my daughter is learning that she needs to prepare herself to strengthen home and family. The first presidency has asked that I, a responsible citizen, promote measures designed to strengthen families. And I don't think I've been doing a very good job of it.

Unfortunately, one of the issues that my brain has happened to stop upon in those few moments when I have considered that while I strengthening my own family, I am not necessarily "promoting measures" designed to strengthen families, is that I have a felt a little awkward imposing my moral standards and religious values on others who don't share my beliefs. Those who might disagree with me would say that I am "intolerant" or that I don't support "diversity." And in this day and age, it's a stigma and social faux pas to not be "politically correct."

But today I stumbled across an article written by Dallin H. Oaks (Dallin H. Oaks, “Weightier Matters,” Ensign, Jan 2001, 13). He argues that because we as latter-day saints value our moral agency (our right to choose) so highly, we hesitate to take a firm stance on issues because it might rob someone else of their right to choose. But Elder Oaks says that just because there are unwelcome consequences enacted for certain choices, does not take away a person's agency to make that choice.

In a discussion about abortion, Elder Oaks says:

If we say we are anti-abortion in our personal life but pro-choice in public policy, we are saying that we will not use our influence to establish public policies that encourage righteous choices on matters God’s servants have defined as serious sins. I urge Latter-day Saints who have taken that position to ask themselves which other grievous sins should be decriminalized or smiled on by the law due to this theory that persons should not be hampered in their choices. Should we decriminalize or lighten the legal consequences of child abuse? of cruelty to animals? of pollution? of fraud? of fathers who choose to abandon their families for greater freedom or convenience?

Similarly, some reach the pro-choice position by saying we should not legislate morality. Those who take this position should realize that the law of crimes legislates nothing but morality. Should we repeal all laws with a moral basis so that our government will not punish any choices some persons consider immoral? Such an action would wipe out virtually all of the laws against crimes.

Similarly, regarding the call for diversity, Elder Oaks reminds us that not all kinds of diversity are something to be desired. And that anytime "diversity" is being touted as the ultimate achievement,we need to ask ourselves if that diversity is actually something that will help us achieve some kind of goal. As latter-day saints, will this type of diversity help us achieve our eternal goals?

He says:

Strong calls for diversity in the public sector sometimes have the effect of pressuring those holding majority opinions to abandon fundamental values to accommodate the diverse positions of those in the minority. Usually this does not substitute a minority value for a majority one. Rather, it seeks to achieve “diversity” by abandoning the official value position altogether, so that no one’s value will be contradicted by an official or semiofficial position. The result of this abandonment is not a diversity of values but an official anarchy of values.

We as women, leaders of the home, cannot afford to idly and ignorantly sit by while political and social forces are at work in the world to destroy the family. We can no longer afford to shrink from our convictions because we are afraid of being labeled, closed-minded or intolerant. Like Amalackiah in the Book of Mormon, there is a power in the world that uses cunning devices and flattering words to lead "away the hearts of many people to do wickedly; yea, and to seek to destroy the church of God, and to destroy the foundation of liberty which God had granted unto them, or which blessing God had sent upon the face of the land for the righteous’ sake."

But we must take a stand for truth and righteousness wherever and however we can. We need to be like Moroni:

who was the chief commander of the armies of the Nephites, had heard of these dissensions, he was angry with Amalickiah.

And it came to pass that he rent his coat; and he took a piece thereof, and wrote upon it—In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children—and he fastened it upon the end of a pole.

And he fastened on his head-plate, and hisbreastplate, and his shields, and girded on his armor about his loins; and he took the pole, which had on the end thereof his rent coat, (and he called it the title of liberty) and he bowed himself to the earth, and he prayed mightily unto his God for the blessings of liberty to rest upon his brethren, so long as there should a band of Christians remain to possess the land—

And therefore, at this time, Moroni prayed that the cause of the Christians, and the freedom of the land might be favored…

And he said: Surely God shall not suffer that we, who are despised because we take upon us the name of Christ, shall be trodden down and destroyed, until we bring it upon us by our own transgressions.

And when Moroni had said these words, he went forth among the people, waving the rent part of his garment in the air, that all might see the writing which he had written upon the rent part, and crying with a loud voice, saying:

Behold, whosoever will maintain this title upon the land, let them come forth in the strength of the Lord, and enter into a covenant that they will maintain their rights, and their religion, that the Lord God may bless them.

And it came to pass that when Moroni had proclaimed these words, behold, the people came running together with their armor girded about their loins, rending their garments in token, or as a covenant, that they would not forsake the Lord their God; or, in other words, if they should transgress the commandments of God, or fall into transgression, and be ashamed to take upon them the name of Christ, the Lord should rend them even as they had rent their garments. (see Alma 46)

We need to be the ones to bear the Title of Liberty in our own communities and stand boldly to protect the sanctity of families. We can be the rallying point where others in our community may flock and strengthen themselves to fight the fight with us.

When I first joined the church, I was a teenager and the only member in my family. Having never fasted before, the Law of the Fast was a difficult one for me to follow, especially when everyone around me was eating. Nevertheless I persevered in abstaining from food and water, but I don’t think I ever had a purpose in my fast—no blessing I was fasting for. And I wasn’t praying. In reality, I dreaded fasting.

When I went to college, my fasts became much more meaningful. They were still difficult, but there was also a joy in the sacrifice. I felt like I was denying my natural self and allowing my spiritual self to reign during a fast. At this time, I also began to fast with a purpose. I was seeking some blessing for myself or for others. And so when I was tempted to eat or struggling with the fast, I used the hunger pains to remind me of the hunger I should have for the things of God. And then I would remember to pray for the blessings I sought. I remembered that I was making this sacrifice to achieve some purpose. It made my fasts much more meaningful and strengthened me.

But soon I was married and pregnant for the first time. Suddenly, I was no longer able to fast because while I could go without food and water for a day, my growing baby could not. And even after the baby was born, I was exclusively breastfeeding and my not eating or drinking for an entire day would affect how well I could feed my baby. In the beginning, I just stopped fasting. But I soon began to miss the spiritual power derived from the fast and denying your physical self for a short while. Over the years I have tried many different versions of “fasting” while pregnant and breastfeeding. Here are some examples.

1. Fasting sweets. I love sweets. I love to eat sweets. They are just so wonderful. For a long time, when I couldn’t participate in a full fast, I would fast sweets. This meant no treats, no sweet cereal, not even jelly on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It was surprisingly hard to do. But I felt that even though I couldn’t participate in a full fast, that I was keeping the spirit of the fast by sacrificing something in search of a spiritual blessing.

2. Fasting cooked foods. This became particularly more important as our children got older and began fasting, too. It seemed utterly cruel for me to cook a warm meal and have the aromas wafting through the house while other people were abstaining from food. And it was a sacrifice that I could make while not depriving my baby one bit. So I refrained from heating things in the microwave, toasting bread, or using the stove or oven.

3. Bread and water fasts. In this kind of fast, I would allow myself bread and water. It was enough that I could still take pre-natal vitamins and not be dehydrated. But it was still a sacrifice of physical things.

4. Fasting food, but not beverage. We have a large variety of protein shakes and meal replacement drinks in our house. Typically we used them for snacks for the kids or a real powerhouse of a chocolate milk drink! But I decided that they were packed with nutrients and vitamins and calories and protein and delivered in a drink would give me the water that I needed for my babies. So I followed the law of the fast by not eating, but did allow myself to drink these drinks during a fast.

My last two pregnancies were very close together and I did not have the opportunity to participate in a full fast between the two. When my last baby was about 10 months old, I realized that she was finally getting enough nutrition and calories from other sources and that she would be fine if I, once again, completed a full fast. I was a little nervous about a full fast. Fasting can be difficult and I hadn’t fasted in a very long time.

But I was also eager to participate in our family traditions surrounding a fast. In our house, at the end of the fast, my husband gathers together with everyone in the house who has fasted. They usually go to a quiet room where they will be undisturbed. Then he leads a discussion with them about what they fasted for (anyone is free to keep it a private matter) and how they felt. Did they receive an answer? Did they get any insights or instruction? Did they feel the Holy Ghost? Then one of them will say a prayer for the family. Then they each will say a personal, private prayer to end their fast. After that, we gather together for dinner.

Fasting again after so long was hard and yet wonderful. I wasn’t used to denying my physical self and I struggled. And yet the struggle was beautiful as I channeled that energy into seeking a blessing from the Lord. I felt a unity with my husband and children as we all made this sacrifice together, each with our own separate desires and purposes, but having faith that the Lord would bless us.

I am pregnant again now and won’t be participating in a full fast for a long while. I am grateful to make this sacrifice to bring a new spirit into our family. But I do look forward again to the blessings of participating in a full fast. It can be a difficult law to follow. But the blessings are commensurate with the sacrifice.

Recently, I’ve heard many talks and lessons about how to strengthen the family. And invariably, most of what I have heard focuses on what we can do as mothers to strengthen our children. Any discussion is usually on what and how to teach our children certain principles.

But I think that we limit ourselves by focusing so narrowly on strengthening our own families, not to mention possibly excluding those women who do not have children at all. Elder Hales has said, “Strengthening families is our sacred duty as parents, children, extended family members, leaders, teachers, and individual members of the Church” (Robert D. Hales, “Strengthening Families: Our Sacred Duty,” Ensign, May 1999, 32). He continues by saying, “What if you are single or have not been blessed with children? Do you need to be concerned about the counsel regarding families? Yes. It is something we all need to learn in earth life. Unmarried adult members can often lend a special kind of strength to the family, becoming a tremendous source of support, acceptance, and love to their families and the families of those around them.”

With that in mind, I’ve come up with a few ideas on how we as women can strengthen families.

1. Strengthen Mothers. A mother is the heart of the home and bears the heavy burden of parenting 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with no weekends off and few holidays. If we can strengthen a mother, she can turn around and provide the love and service that her family needs. If we can strengthen a mother, she can strengthen her children and family.

Being a friend is a wonderful way to strengthen a mother. You can be someone that she can turn to for support and love when she is feeling inadequate and overwhelmed or facing difficult issues. You can listen to her, encourage her, and help her remember her self-worth.

Easing her burdens, even momentarily, is another great way to strengthen mothers. Could you take her children for a few hours so she could take a nap or read her scriptures in peace or do a project that she never has time for? Maybe you could go over to her home and help her clean her kitchen or get ready for the holidays. How about making a nice dinner (or even just ordering a pizza!) for her so that one evening she can concentrate a little bit better on talking to her husband or helping children with homework?

2. Strengthen Couples. The couple is the foundation of the family. If the couple has a strong and vital marriage, then they will be better able to face life’s challenges and be a support to each other and their children.

If the couple has children, offering to babysit is a great way to help them get out for a few hours and reconnect as husband and wife and not just mom and dad! Many younger couples especially really struggle with finances. Perhaps you could anonymously send them tickets to a local movie theater or make them aware of free entertainment coming up soon. Or you could invite them over for dinner and some games.

3. Strengthen Children. We as women have a special role as nurturers. Take the time to get to know a child’s name and what he or she likes and dislikes. Find moments to have a conversation and let the child know that you care about them. Notice the good things they do and compliment them on their accomplishments. Tell their parents, too! A great way to strengthen families is by reporting back to the parents when you have witnessed their children doing something kind. We have the opportunity to be a special adult friend in the life of a child. In that role, we can support the parents in teaching and exemplifying Christ-like behavior and principles. We can enforce the child’s feelings of self-worth.

4. Strengthen Families. The family is ordained of God and is the fundamental unit of society. Think back over your life and how you have been touched by those not immediately in your own family. The teacher who had just the right words of encouragement at a critical time. A church leader that you went to when you didn’t feel like you could approach your own parents. The parents of a friend who adopted you into their home and family. I’m sure that if we take a moment to look outside of our own homes, we will find a family or two to focus our energies on. It may not be a particularly “needy” family. All families have a need to be strengthened greater than what they are now. We all have potential for improvement. Through prayer and faith, a loving Heavenly Father will guide us as to how we can best serve and strengthen a family. If you are unable to think of any other way to support, sustain and help a family, there are organizations out there that could use volunteers. Maybe you could help out at a women’s and children’s shelter or donate a present or two to needy families at Christmas time. In whatever ways we are able to, we have a responsibility to our world and our God do all within our power to strengthen the family.

When we were a young couple just starting out our family, things were easily overwhelming. We had our first 4 children by the time the oldest was 5 years old. Running errands or taking care of tasks was always difficult even when my husband and I decided to "divide and conquer" with one or two each in tow. Nights were often sleepless and there was an endless supply of diapers to change. We couldn’t afford a babysitter or a date and certainly not both in the same month! There was school to finish and jobs to find. And while all of this was going on, I was desperately trying to learn how to cook, clean, teach, and play.

But there was also joy. I remember the evenings where my husband and I would just sit together on the couch and watch our children all play together. We’d give each other that look that said we understood a little bit of heaven and wished this moment could last forever. There were Saturday mornings when all the kids came in our bed and we wrestled and watched the babies go "4-wheelin’" over all the bodies giggling and hiding in the blankets beneath them.

I figured parenthood would always be like that and was prepared and felt experienced. So I was surprised when things changed after the first decade of parenthood. By then we had 6 children. Suddenly my husband and I found ourselves experiencing our first freedoms as parents. If we took a cell phone with us, it was okay to go for a solitary walk together in the evenings—alone! Instead of loading all the kids up in car seats in our van just to go return a movie before we were fined late fees, I could just hop in the car and drive the few blocks and get it done in half the time with none of the hassles. Most astoundingly was that sometimes we actually had money for dates and the babysitters were free and built-in!

The first time we left our kids alone for a real, night-time date where we would be gone for several hours, I admit I was worried. And coming home, I expected to face a disaster and to have to put everyone to bed. Instead, we were greeted by a quiet house that was all locked up and put to bed with blinds closed and lights off. There was a note on the kitchen table written by my oldest daughter that said:

Mom and Dad,

We couldn’t remember where we were reading in the scriptures before bed so we just read a chapter in Alma. That reminded us of an Article of Faith. So we recited it. We put the boys to bed at 8:30 and we went to bed at 9:00. We hope you had a good time!

I didn’t worry so much after that. They had even cleaned the kitchen.

That’s not to say that it’s always perfect now, either. Not by a long shot. The kids don’t play so much together now and the differences and contentions between the boys and the girls are exaggerated now that we are in the pre-teen/teen years. At least one daughter is already starting to display estrogen flare-ups that leave me utterly bewildered and overloaded from time to time. It’s hard to keep up with the soccer games, dance recitals, voice lessons, cub scouts and after school activities. And there are still sleepless nights and yet more diapers I am changing.

But even with all of that, it’s still so good. I see them struggling to learn empathy and responsibility and respect as they change from children to adults. I see them turning to the Lord to make their difficult decisions and finding their own sweet testimonies. They are discovering talents and going after dreams by setting righteous goals. It’s very satisfying and such a source of rich and profound happiness.

I can see how parenthood is like Godhood. Ultimately he is our father. And when I want my children to get along and help each other, I better understand what he wants from me in my interactions with my fellowmen and how he loves them and knows them just as much as he knows and loves me. I can see how managing my family with love and kindness through tireless service is making me more like the Savior. It is hard work. But each time I am willing to make the sacrifice, I also receive a portion of those joys and blessings that are there for those who are willing to do his work.