Women's Issues

I didn't always aspire to be a stay at home mom.

I aspired to be many things and not one of those things was being a housewife (does anyone else hate that word as much as I do?). I've always enjoyed the challenge of a professional career. I worked hard for it, even went on to graduate school so that I can pursue the career that I've always wanted. Being a stay home mom was the furthest thing from my mind. I will even go further and say that being a stay home mom didn't come naturally to me.

Now in case you're wondering, I do enjoy being a mom. I love being a mother. I do indeed believe that being a mother is the most important job that I can ever have in this life. For me, it wasn't a question of one of the other, but both. I firmly believed that I can have it all - a career and a family. Well, I was right in some ways but I was also wrong in so many others.

Like many professional women, a lot of my identity was tied up in what I do, my career and my professional interests. Having a career validated who I was in many ways. I was someone who had accomplished something in her own right. I wasn't just someone's wife, or just someone's daughter, or just someone's mother.

I don't know exactly when the big realization came for me. Perhaps, it was gradual and it crept up on me a little bit at a time. It really doesn't matter how it happened, what matters is that it did. I came to really understand that the greatest accomplishment that I can ever hope to lay claim to is to raise my children to be honorable in all their dealings with their fellowmen and with their Heavenly Father.

President Gordon B. Hinckley (15th President and Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) spoke lovingly of our sacred duty as mothers:

You have nothing in this world more precious than your children. When you grow old, when your hair turns white and your body grows weary, when you are prone to sit in a rocker and meditate on the things of your life, nothing will be so important as the question of how your children have turned out. It will not be the money you have made. It will not be the cars you have owned. It will not be the large house in which you live. The searing question that will cross your mind again and again will be, How well have my children done?

If the answer is that they have done very well, then your happiness will be complete. If they have done less than well, then no other satisfaction can compensate for your loss.

And so I plead with you tonight, my dear sisters. Sit down and quietly count the debits and the credits in your role as a mother. It is not too late. When all else fails, there is prayer and the promised help of the Lord to assist you in your trials. But do not delay. Start now, whether your child be six or 16...

God bless you, dear friends. Do not trade your birthright as a mother for some bauble of passing value. Let your first interest be in your home. The baby you hold in your arms will grow quickly as the sunrise and the sunset of the rushing days. I hope that when that occurs you will not be led to exclaim as did King Lear, “How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child!” (King Lear, I, iv, 312). Rather, I hope that you will have every reason to be proud concerning your children, to have love for them, to have faith in them, to see them grow in righteousness and virtue before the Lord, to see them become useful and productive members of society. If with all you have done there is an occasional failure, you can still say, “At least I did the very best of which I was capable. I tried as hard as I knew how. I let nothing stand in the way of my role as a mother.” Failures will be few under such circumstances.

For me, it came down to this - I had to be there for my children when it mattered. This meant being home full time. I needed to be there when they come home after a particularly bad day. I needed to be home when they come home bursting with news from school or from a friend. My children didn't just need me to be home when they were newborns or toddlers, they need me home as preteens and teenagers. In fact, they need me home during these trying years even more than ever before. This realization enabled me to take a leap of love - embracing and loving my status as a stay at home mom and not with reluctance and regret as I did before.

Of course, I realize that there are many mothers who work outside the home out of necessity. I applaud those moms for they are doing what they need to do to take care of their families. If my situation were to change tomorrow and I had to support my family, I would gladly work full time again but today I'm grateful that I can stay home. For me, it was a leap of love that has blessed my family in countless ways. Being a stay home mom might not have been what I'd envisioned as my "dream career" but today I can't imagine doing anything else.

As a mother, my heart weeps for Mary, the mother of Jesus this day. What pain she must have felt to see what her son endured as He was beaten, reviled and humiliated, and crucified so mercilessly on the cross. What mother could bear to see her child in the throes of such agony? What depths of despair and grief she must have felt! I imagine she cried out when she heard her son utter words of love from the cross, "Woman, behold thy Son!" (John 19:26) Oh, blessed Mary, my heart aches at the mere thought of what you witnessed this day.

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles spoke eloquently about this Friday, when they crucified the Son of God:

On that terrible Friday the earth shook and grew dark. Frightful storms lashed at the earth.
Those evil men who sought His life rejoiced. Now that Jesus was no more, surely those who followed Him would disperse. On that day they stood triumphant.
On that day the veil of the temple was rent in twain.
Mary Magdalene and Mary, the mother of Jesus, were both overcome with grief and despair. The superb man they had loved and honored hung lifeless upon the cross.
On that Friday the Apostles were devastated. Jesus, their Savior—the man who had walked on water and raised the dead—was Himself at the mercy of wicked men. They watched helplessly as He was overcome by His enemies.
On that Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled.
It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God.
I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest.

Everything that I've learned about Mary tells me that she was a mother in every sense of the word. She would have been the kind of mother that would have rushed in to protect and defend her child without any thought to herself. I'm sure she wished that she could have taken that cup from her son if she could. How utterly helpless she must have felt. Yet, I also believe that Mary was prepared by the Lord for such a time. I believe that even in the midst of her pain and suffering, she was surrounded by angels who comforted her in her hour of need.

Mary was no ordinary maiden. She was virtuous, honorable, humble, and faithful. She was selected by God to be the mother of Jesus.

And in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God unto a city of Galilee, named Nazareth,
To a virgin espoused to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David; and the virgin’s name was Mary.
And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women.
And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her mind what manner of salutation this should be.
And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God.
And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name JESUS.
He shall be great, and shall be called the Son of the Highest: and the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David:
And he shall reign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there shall be no end.
Then said Mary unto the angel, How shall this be, seeing I know not a man?
And the angel answered and said unto her, The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God. (Luke 1:26-35)

Words cannot express the depths of my love and gratitude for Mary, the mother of Jesus. In my mind she stands for everything that is praiseworthy and honorable about motherhood and womanhood. I know that she understood Jesus was only hers for a time, that He was meant to endure what He went through to save mankind. She knew this, yet, she was still His mother and so she suffered. Oh, how she must have suffered!

In my mind's eye I see her sorrow turn to pure joy when Sunday came. I can feel her burdens immediately lightened when she realized that He is risen. For Sunday did come! Elder Wirthlin continued;

But the doom of that day did not endure.
The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death. He ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind.
And in an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, stood before them as the firstfruits of the Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence.

As I praise and honor my Savior and Redeemer and celebrate His glorious resurrection on Sunday, I will also remember in my mother heart another mother - Mary, the mother of Jesus.

Yesterday, March 17th, marked the 166th birthday of the Relief Society - the Women's organization of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (informally known as the Mormon Church). Some Relief Society units like this one in Cape Girardeau, Missouri commemorated this important day by performing different acts of service in their communities.

This great organization started in the Spring of 1842 when a small group of women in Nauvoo decided to pool their talents and resources together to make shirts for the Nauvoo Temple workers. From these humble beginnings, the Relief Society has now grown to over 5.6 million women in 170 countries. A few other things have changed and evolved over time in the Relief Society to meet changing needs and times but the one thing that hasn't changed is our focus on Service and Charity.

The Relief Society motto "Charity Never Faileth" is taken from 1 Corinthians 13:8. This same admonition is also found in Moroni 7:46 which reads, "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail."

In the last few weeks, I've witnessed the amazing capacity of the women of this great organization to love and serve each other as well as those outside of their circle. In my own little corner of the world, I've seen the miracle of this sisterhood come alive not once, but many times. I'd like to share with you just a few of these amazing acts of love because they've made such an impact in my life. I hope it will touch your heart as well.

An elderly sister needed surgery for a serious medical condition. This sister lives alone and has no family close by. Relief Society sisters took turns taking her to her appointments and even took time off work to be at the hospital while she was in surgery. The sisters in Relief Society also made sure that this dear sister was taken care of once she was released from the hospital. I am happy to report that this sister is doing well today.

In another incident, the sisters in Relief Society were made aware of a family that was in need of food and other basic needs. They were expecting some sort of financial help but it wasn't going to be there for at least another week. This family does not attend our Ward (local Church unit). In fact, they do not belong to our faith at all. With the help of the Ward, the Relief Society sisters organized, planned, and provided a two week supply of food and other necessities for this family. There were no other motives other than to lend a helping hand to a family in need.

This past weekend, Relief Society sisters came together to provide a simple but beautiful and memorable wedding day for a single mother. She is a recent convert and has very limited means. Together, with an efficiency that the Relief Society is known for, the sisters were soon organized into a decorating crew, a shopping crew, a cooking crew, a serving crew, and even a clean-up crew. A very talented sister made and donated the gorgeous wedding cake. Perhaps, the greatest memory that I took away from this experience was the love and joy that the sisters felt for the bride as they went about their assigned tasks. I saw the true meaning of Charity in the eyes and countenance of the Relief Society sisters. They gave of themselves freely and willingly, with no other goal in mind than to help bless the life of another.

I'm so proud to be a member of the Relief Society. I feel privileged to belong to an organization that exists to do good, to serve, and to provide Charity whenever and wherever it is needed. There's a song that we sing in Relief Society from time to time. It's called As "As Sisters In Zion" and was written by Emily H. Woodmansee with music by Janice Kapp Perry. The second verse of this hymn is particularly meaningful for me. This verse speaks to the sisterhood and the great work that sisters in the Relief Society personify. I've seen and felt of this wonderful spirit of sisterhood and Charity and I hope that you have too.

The errand of angels is given to women;
And this is a gift that as sisters, we claim:
To do whatsoever is gently and human,
To cheer and to bless in humanity's name.