Women's Issues

An interview with my daughters, ages 13 and 11

What qualities do you think are important in a mother?
Patience, loving, responsible, organized, takes care of kids.

Honesty, kindness, helpfulness, they shouldn't only be selfless. They have to think about themselves, too. Enjoyment in being a mother. Good language.

What is the hardest thing about being a mother?
Having to do everything for the kids when they are younger, like feeding them and making sure that they're not into any trouble and that they are doing safe things.

Having to clean up after kids. Having to make meals.

What is the easiest thing about being a mother?
Getting to be around your kids and getting to know them and becoming closer to them.

Playing with babies.

How would you finish this sentence?
I wish my mother had more time...
To do more activities with the kids.

To play with us.

What is an important gospel principle for mothers to teach daughters?
That having a family is important.

Honesty.

How can a mother best teach that?
Studying scriptures about it and teaching about what would happen if we didn't have families.

Talking to daughters about it and doing it themselves.

How should mothers show that they support their daughters?
Letting them know that they're doing a good job and that it's good that they do it.

Not teasing them hurtfully.

How should mothers get to know their daughters better?
One-on-one talks and going to do mother-daughter activities, things that only they would enjoy like something that focuses on just the two of them and that benefits both of them.

Sit and talk with them sometimes. Spend time with them.

How can mothers help their daughters to dress modestly?
Getting rid of immodest clothes, like clothes that are too small, regularly. And making sure that the clothes they get are modest by coming with them when they go shopping. Teach them the negatives about dressing modestly and what the prophets have taught about dressing modestly.

Buy them modest clothes. Or make them. And talk to them about it.

How can mothers help their daughters gain testimonies of Jesus Christ?
I would think one-on-one scripture study, just the two of them. And praying together and having conversations together about the gospel.

Sharing their testimony with them.

What do mothers expect of daughters that is unreasonable?
The mother telling the daughter to do a series of chores when the daughter might have plans.

To clean a room with somebody who doesn't like to clean.

Among your friends who have good relationships with their mothers, what do you see that makes it work?
The daughters are responsible and mothers are understanding. They both want to make their expectations and plans work out.

They do family activities often. They spend time with each other.

You know, I have to admit that much of how I think of myself as a woman--and to be honest, about womanhood in general--is wrapped in the idea of being a wife and mother. I met my husband when I was 19 and married him when I was 20. Before I was 22, I had my first baby. All but 2 of my years as a woman have coincided with my years as a wife and mother.

And yet, I know that there must be more to Womanhood than being a wife and mother. Lately, I’ve been wondering what exactly that is? What are the characteristics and purposes that we as women, as daughters of God and sisters in the gospel, share despite our family circumstances? What makes a woman a woman?

We know from the Proclamation on the Family that we were created in the image of God and that we are daughters “of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.” But what exactly does that mean? What are the innate characteristics of being feminine that existed in us even before we had bodies? And what does being female have to do with our identity and purpose? In order to answer these questions, I’ve collected a few quotes.

Our prophet has said:

Woman is God’s supreme creation.Only after the earth had been formed, after the day had been separated from the night, after the waters had been divided from the land, after vegetation and animal life had been created, and after man had been placed on the earth, was woman created; and only then was the work pronounced complete and good.

Of all the creations of the Almighty, there is none more beautiful, none more inspiring than a lovely daughter of God who walks in virtue with an understanding of why she should do so, who honors and respects her body as a thing sacred and divine, who cultivates her mind and constantly enlarges the horizon of her understanding, who nurtures her spirit with everlasting truth. (“Our Responsibility to Our Young Women,” Ensign, Sept. 1988, 11.)

President James E. Faust has said:

I wonder if you sisters fully understand the greatness of your gifts and talents and how all of you can achieve the “highest place of honor” in the Church and in the world. One of your unique, precious, and sublime gifts is your femininity, with its natural grace, goodness, and divinity. Femininity is not just lipstick, stylish hairdos, and trendy clothes. It is the divine adornment of humanity. It finds expression in your qualities of your capacity to love, your spirituality, delicacy, radiance, sensitivity, creativity, charm, graciousness, gentleness, dignity, and quiet strength. It is manifest differently in each girl or woman, but each of you possesses it. Femininity is part of your inner beauty.

One of your particular gifts is your feminine intuition. Do not limit yourselves. As you seek to know the will of our Heavenly Father in your life and become more spiritual, you will be far more attractive, even irresistible. You can use your smiling loveliness to bless those you love and all you meet, and spread great joy. Femininity is part of the God-given divinity within each of you. It is your incomparable power and influence to do good. You can, through your supernal gifts, bless the lives of children, women, and men. Be proud of your womanhood. Enhance it. Use it to serve others. (James E. Faust, “Womanhood: The Highest Place of Honor,” Ensign, May 2000, 95)

On fulfilling our God-given purposes, Mary Ellen Smoot has said:

Each of us has a vital role, even a sacred mission to perform as a daughter in Zion. … It is our destiny to rejoice as we fill the earth with greater kindness and gentleness, greater love and compassion, greater sympathy and empathy than have ever been known before. It is time to give ourselves to the Master and allow Him to lead us into fruitful fields where we can enrich a world filled with darkness and misery” (“Rejoice, Daughters of Zion,” Ensign, Nov. 1999, 94).

“I suggest that you … humbly ask the Lord what he would have you do and why you are uniquely suited to serve. Ask yourself questions like these: ‘What can I contribute?’ ‘Why was I chosen to be the mother of these children?’ ‘What can I do to strengthen the sisters in my ward?’ and so forth. We each have purpose and reason for being. Every sister has a thread to weave in the tapestry of time. Discover your thread and begin to weave” (Relief Society, the Possible Dream [address delivered at the 1998 Brigham Young University women’s conference]). (“Finding Nobility in Motherhood and Joy in Womanhood,” Ensign, Jul 2002, 71)

Elder M. Russell Ballard has said:

Every sister in this Church who has made covenants with the Lord has a divine mandate to help save souls, to lead the women of the world, to strengthen the homes of Zion, and to build the kingdom of God. Sister Eliza R. Snow (1804–87), the second general president of the Relief Society, said that “every sister in this church should be a preacher of righteousness … because we have greater and higher privileges than any other females upon the face of the earth” (“Great Indignation Meeting,” Deseret Evening News, 15 Jan. 1870, 2).

Every sister who stands for truth and righteousness diminishes the influence of evil. Every sister who strengthens and protects her family is doing the work of God. Every sister who lives as a woman of God becomes a beacon for others to follow and plants seeds of righteous influence that will be harvested for decades to come. Every sister who makes and keeps sacred covenants becomes an instrument in the hands of God. (M. Russell Ballard, “Women of Righteousness,” Ensign, Apr 2002, 66–73)

As daughters of a Heavenly King, it seems clear that in order for women to fulfill their roles and purposes in the gospel and on the earth that we needed special talents and blessings. To some degree or other, and based specifically on the tasks that we need to accomplish in our life, we women have been endowed with special power from on high: kindness, gentleness, capacity to love, compassion, empathy, feminine intuitions, creativity, charm, graciousness, natural grace, dignity, quiet strength, and more.

We need only look at the world around us to know that these very qualities are sorely in need. And whether we are single, married, widowed, divorced, mothers, grandmothers or not, we are part of a great sisterhood with a weighty work to accomplish. The specific role the Lord would have each of us play is something that we will have to prayerfully seek out. But one of the greatest clues in discovering our individual missions is to carefully take a look at the gifts he has given us and see how we can best apply them. He gave them to us for a reason.

The more I think about this, the more I think it is a waste of time to compare myself to other women. Yes, there are other women who keep a neater home than I do, who are more creative at making Halloween costumes, who are better cooks, who are more organized. Maybe other women look at me and see things that they lack. But rather than mire myself in envy and disappointment, I can rejoice knowing that if there are areas where I fall short, a beloved sister has been given a gift to help me. If there is a battle I feel ill-prepared to fight, I have a sweet spirit sister who will watch my back if I let her. Instead of letting our differences be sources of division, they should knit us in unity and make us stronger.

We women were born to be queens.

Sister Beck, our General Relief Society President, told us that “women should pattern their homes after the Lord’s house.” What does this mean? And how can we accomplish it?

In the Doctrine and Covenants, section 109, it reads:

Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing, and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God;

That your incomings may be in the name of the Lord, that your outgoings may be in the name of the Lord, that all your salutations may be in the name of the Lord, with uplifted hands unto the Most High…

Let’s begin by just breaking it down into the eight steps listed above.

1. Organize yourselves, prepare every needful thing. In Doctrine and Covenants (D&C) 88:119, these verses are repeated. The footnote for “organize” refers us to search in the topical guide of the LDS scriptures the subject “Family, Managing Finances in.” This verse reminds me of Pharoah’s dream which Joseph interpreted to show Pharaoh what he needed to do during Egypt’s 7 years of plenty to prepare for the 7 years of famine.

Our prophet counsels us to have 72 hour kits prepared for emergencies, a 3 month supply of food and other items that we would need to survive and, where possible a 12 month supply. We are advised to stay out of debt and to have a savings of several months worth of income to sustain us in case of unforeseen circumstances. It’s the whole idea of working through the summer so that we can play in the winter. Being prepared gives us a measure of peace and comfort when hard times arise. Sometimes it can be overwhelming. At least for me, just trudging through my day to day responsibilities is almost too much. But there are some great ideas here on LDSblogs.com that can help us get started taking the little steps we need to do to be prepared. And if doing it all seems just a bit too much, just remember that being prepared for some things is better than being prepared for nothing.

2. Establish a house, even a house of prayer. When I think of this line, I imagine all the formal prayers that should be going on in our homes. Imagine that you and all the members of your family are having morning and evening personal prayers, then you and your spouse are having a couple’s prayer once or twice daily. And let’s not forget family prayer morning and night. Then there are the blessings on the food for three meals a day. In addition to that, there are special times of prayer such as to open and close Family Home Evening or a family council, before a priesthood blessing, or just because a child had a nightmare. And then there are the informal prayers. Singing hymns can be a prayer. In D&C 25:12, the Lord says that the song of the righteous is a prayer unto him. Alma(34:27) tells us that when we are not formally praying, “let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you.”

3. A house of fasting. Members of the Church usually join together in fasting on the first Sunday of the month. But to me, establishing a house of fasting might require more effort than that. We should not be afraid to fast at other times when we feel that we need to seek a particular blessing for ourselves or others. The Law of the Fast also includes donating money for the poor and needy. I’m sure that there are times throughout the day when we can set aside our personal comforts and conveniences to serve others and bless their lives through our sacrifice. What is our attitude about fasting? Is it something that we dread or cut short or dismiss as unimportant? Or do we love and look forward to fasting? Is it a sacrifice that we are happy to make, a cross that we willfully carry in order to make us more like the Savior? What and how are we teaching our children about fasting? We, as a people, are entitled to much more of the fullness of the Spirit of God and I think we need that Spirit in our homes. But it will require this effort from us, to give up the things of the physical world for two meals that we might enjoy the benefits of added peace and love in our homes.

4. A house of faith. I envision a house where the gospel is taught and discussed. It is a house where the teachings of the Savior are a normal part of every day life and behavior and not just relegated to the Sabbath. This type of house would be full of people trying to improve themselves by acting on what they know to be right, thus exercising that faith. And if someone’s faith falters, it’s the type of home where the family would give loving support and quiet prayers on their behalf. It would be a happy home where no matter life’s circumstances, there would be joy and peace because of the firm assurance in their hearts that Jesus had overcome the world and redeemed them.

5. A house of learning. This type of house would include learning things of the spirit as well as learning about the physical world. It begins with the woman learning all she can about those things that interest her. We know that as women we should further our education. It is a life long endeavor. How and what we choose to learn will be different for each of us and we may all take different paths. But we need to seek out knowledge “by study and also by faith” (D&C 109:7) and learn “of things both in heaven and in the earth, and under the earth; things which have been, things which are, things which must shortly come to pass; things which are at home, things which are abroad; the wars and the perplexities of the nations, and the judgments which are on the land; and a knowledge also of countries and of kingdoms— That ye may be prepared in all things…” (D&C 88:79,80).

But creating a house of learning doesn’t stop with us. How can we encourage and support our husbands? The more they learn, it will not only enrich them personally but help them to better be able to support their families.

And creating a house of learning is so important for children. It might begin with something as simple as stimulating their curiosity and trying to always to take the time to answer their questions with an appropriate answer. It might involve having them take formal classes or just providing them with books to read about their favorite topics. I think a wonderful way to create a house of learning is to work on family projects together—something fun that you can teach them yourself or that you can all learn together.

6. A house of glory. What exactly is glory? I think it is resplendent beauty and magnificence. Glory is the adoration and praise and thanksgiving we show to God. So a house of glory would be a home that is a reflection of heaven, a beautiful place that by it’s very existence bears testimony that there is a God and he is good. But I don’t think that it necessarily needs to be a beautiful home by the world’s standard. The world would have us think that to be glorious, our home must be palatial. Christ himself had neither “form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him” (Isaiah 53:2). So I would think that a house of glory is more a humble home that is made beautiful by the righteous people who live there and the work that occurs within its walls.

7. A house of order. I think this type of house would not necessarily be constantly immaculate. But it would be a house where each member of the family knows their responsibility and participates willingly in maintaining a functioning home. It would be a neat and tidy place, free from as much filth and unnecessary clutter as possible. It would be a place where beleaguered family members could come to relax and find peace.

8. A house of God. A house of God is a temple. It is the place where heaven and earth meet, a place of such cleanliness and purity that God can dwell there for a time. In the Bible Dictionary, we read that “only the home can compare with the temple in sacredness.” If we can follow the above 7 steps, I have no doubt that we will have succeeded in creating a house of God and our incomings and our outgoings will be in the name of the Lord.

Ephesians 5

The word “submission” gets a bad rap in today’s “politically correct” society. We have a sense that no one should ever have to submit to anyone, that we are all created equal and that since no one is above or below another’s station, submission should never occur.

And let’s be clear. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints does not advocate that men should dominate over their wives in marriage. On the contrary, the proclamation on the family states, “fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”

Furthermore, President Spencer W. Kimball has said:

When we speak of marriage as a partnership, let us speak of marriage as a full partnership. We do not want our LDS women to be silent partners or limited partners in that eternal assignment! Please be a contributing and full partner.

In his talk, “The Women in Our Lives” President Gordon B. Hinckley affirms this idea.

Notwithstanding this preeminence given the creation of woman, she has so frequently through the ages been relegated to a secondary position. She has been put down. She has been denigrated. She has been enslaved. She has been abused. And yet some few of the greatest characters of scripture have been women of integrity, accomplishment, and faith…

Crossing through His life we have Mary and Martha, and Mary of Magdala. She it was who came to the tomb that first Easter morning. And to her, a woman, He first appeared as the resurrected Lord. Why is it that even though Jesus placed woman in a position of preeminence, so many men who profess His name fail to do so?

In His grand design, when God first created man, He created a duality of the sexes. The ennobling expression of that duality is found in marriage. One individual is complementary to the other. As Paul stated, “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Cor. 11:11)…

There are some men who, in a spirit of arrogance, think they are superior to women. They do not seem to realize that they would not exist but for the mother who gave them birth. When they assert their superiority they demean her. It has been said, “Man can not degrade woman without himself falling into degradation; he can not elevate her without at the same time elevating himself” (Alexander Walker, in Elbert Hubbard’s Scrap Book [1923], 204)….

How thankful I am, how thankful we all must be, for the women in our lives. God bless them. May His great love distill upon them and crown them with luster and beauty, grace and faith. And may His Spirit distill upon us as men and lead us ever to hold them in respect, in gratitude, giving encouragement, strength, nurture, and love, which is the very essence of the gospel of our Redeemer and Lord.

So if women are “equal partners” in a marriage, what does it mean to submit? First of all, submission can be a beautiful thing. Children submit to their parents out of love and respect. The Savior submitted to the will of the Father in the Garden of Gethsemane. A mother constantly submits to her children by serving them and taking care of their needs ahead of her own. This doesn’t mean that her children rule over her or are better than her. In fact, because of her submission, she elevates her own state.

Also, Ephesians 5:21 assures us that we are to submit to each other—the wives to the husbands and the husbands to the wives. That demonstrates the equality of the partnership. Additionally, the footnote in the LDS version of the King James Version of the Bible refers us to the topical guide for “Reconciliation”, indicating that this submitting to each other is really a process of unification.

One of the beautiful things about this submission is that we women are not being taught to submit to angry or abusive husbands, to their whims, to their selfish desires. We are being taught to submit to them the way the church submits to Christ. And for the men’s part, they are being taught to love and cherish their wives the way that Chris loved the church and gave himself for it, to love their wives as their own body and nurture her and cherish her. What woman wouldn’t want to yield herself to such a man?

“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.”

When I first joined the church, I was a teenager and the only member in my family. Having never fasted before, the Law of the Fast was a difficult one for me to follow, especially when everyone around me was eating. Nevertheless I persevered in abstaining from food and water, but I don’t think I ever had a purpose in my fast—no blessing I was fasting for. And I wasn’t praying. In reality, I dreaded fasting.

When I went to college, my fasts became much more meaningful. They were still difficult, but there was also a joy in the sacrifice. I felt like I was denying my natural self and allowing my spiritual self to reign during a fast. At this time, I also began to fast with a purpose. I was seeking some blessing for myself or for others. And so when I was tempted to eat or struggling with the fast, I used the hunger pains to remind me of the hunger I should have for the things of God. And then I would remember to pray for the blessings I sought. I remembered that I was making this sacrifice to achieve some purpose. It made my fasts much more meaningful and strengthened me.

But soon I was married and pregnant for the first time. Suddenly, I was no longer able to fast because while I could go without food and water for a day, my growing baby could not. And even after the baby was born, I was exclusively breastfeeding and my not eating or drinking for an entire day would affect how well I could feed my baby. In the beginning, I just stopped fasting. But I soon began to miss the spiritual power derived from the fast and denying your physical self for a short while. Over the years I have tried many different versions of “fasting” while pregnant and breastfeeding. Here are some examples.

1. Fasting sweets. I love sweets. I love to eat sweets. They are just so wonderful. For a long time, when I couldn’t participate in a full fast, I would fast sweets. This meant no treats, no sweet cereal, not even jelly on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It was surprisingly hard to do. But I felt that even though I couldn’t participate in a full fast, that I was keeping the spirit of the fast by sacrificing something in search of a spiritual blessing.

2. Fasting cooked foods. This became particularly more important as our children got older and began fasting, too. It seemed utterly cruel for me to cook a warm meal and have the aromas wafting through the house while other people were abstaining from food. And it was a sacrifice that I could make while not depriving my baby one bit. So I refrained from heating things in the microwave, toasting bread, or using the stove or oven.

3. Bread and water fasts. In this kind of fast, I would allow myself bread and water. It was enough that I could still take pre-natal vitamins and not be dehydrated. But it was still a sacrifice of physical things.

4. Fasting food, but not beverage. We have a large variety of protein shakes and meal replacement drinks in our house. Typically we used them for snacks for the kids or a real powerhouse of a chocolate milk drink! But I decided that they were packed with nutrients and vitamins and calories and protein and delivered in a drink would give me the water that I needed for my babies. So I followed the law of the fast by not eating, but did allow myself to drink these drinks during a fast.

My last two pregnancies were very close together and I did not have the opportunity to participate in a full fast between the two. When my last baby was about 10 months old, I realized that she was finally getting enough nutrition and calories from other sources and that she would be fine if I, once again, completed a full fast. I was a little nervous about a full fast. Fasting can be difficult and I hadn’t fasted in a very long time.

But I was also eager to participate in our family traditions surrounding a fast. In our house, at the end of the fast, my husband gathers together with everyone in the house who has fasted. They usually go to a quiet room where they will be undisturbed. Then he leads a discussion with them about what they fasted for (anyone is free to keep it a private matter) and how they felt. Did they receive an answer? Did they get any insights or instruction? Did they feel the Holy Ghost? Then one of them will say a prayer for the family. Then they each will say a personal, private prayer to end their fast. After that, we gather together for dinner.

Fasting again after so long was hard and yet wonderful. I wasn’t used to denying my physical self and I struggled. And yet the struggle was beautiful as I channeled that energy into seeking a blessing from the Lord. I felt a unity with my husband and children as we all made this sacrifice together, each with our own separate desires and purposes, but having faith that the Lord would bless us.

I am pregnant again now and won’t be participating in a full fast for a long while. I am grateful to make this sacrifice to bring a new spirit into our family. But I do look forward again to the blessings of participating in a full fast. It can be a difficult law to follow. But the blessings are commensurate with the sacrifice.

Recently, I’ve heard many talks and lessons about how to strengthen the family. And invariably, most of what I have heard focuses on what we can do as mothers to strengthen our children. Any discussion is usually on what and how to teach our children certain principles.

But I think that we limit ourselves by focusing so narrowly on strengthening our own families, not to mention possibly excluding those women who do not have children at all. Elder Hales has said, “Strengthening families is our sacred duty as parents, children, extended family members, leaders, teachers, and individual members of the Church” (Robert D. Hales, “Strengthening Families: Our Sacred Duty,” Ensign, May 1999, 32). He continues by saying, “What if you are single or have not been blessed with children? Do you need to be concerned about the counsel regarding families? Yes. It is something we all need to learn in earth life. Unmarried adult members can often lend a special kind of strength to the family, becoming a tremendous source of support, acceptance, and love to their families and the families of those around them.”

With that in mind, I’ve come up with a few ideas on how we as women can strengthen families.

1. Strengthen Mothers. A mother is the heart of the home and bears the heavy burden of parenting 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with no weekends off and few holidays. If we can strengthen a mother, she can turn around and provide the love and service that her family needs. If we can strengthen a mother, she can strengthen her children and family.

Being a friend is a wonderful way to strengthen a mother. You can be someone that she can turn to for support and love when she is feeling inadequate and overwhelmed or facing difficult issues. You can listen to her, encourage her, and help her remember her self-worth.

Easing her burdens, even momentarily, is another great way to strengthen mothers. Could you take her children for a few hours so she could take a nap or read her scriptures in peace or do a project that she never has time for? Maybe you could go over to her home and help her clean her kitchen or get ready for the holidays. How about making a nice dinner (or even just ordering a pizza!) for her so that one evening she can concentrate a little bit better on talking to her husband or helping children with homework?

2. Strengthen Couples. The couple is the foundation of the family. If the couple has a strong and vital marriage, then they will be better able to face life’s challenges and be a support to each other and their children.

If the couple has children, offering to babysit is a great way to help them get out for a few hours and reconnect as husband and wife and not just mom and dad! Many younger couples especially really struggle with finances. Perhaps you could anonymously send them tickets to a local movie theater or make them aware of free entertainment coming up soon. Or you could invite them over for dinner and some games.

3. Strengthen Children. We as women have a special role as nurturers. Take the time to get to know a child’s name and what he or she likes and dislikes. Find moments to have a conversation and let the child know that you care about them. Notice the good things they do and compliment them on their accomplishments. Tell their parents, too! A great way to strengthen families is by reporting back to the parents when you have witnessed their children doing something kind. We have the opportunity to be a special adult friend in the life of a child. In that role, we can support the parents in teaching and exemplifying Christ-like behavior and principles. We can enforce the child’s feelings of self-worth.

4. Strengthen Families. The family is ordained of God and is the fundamental unit of society. Think back over your life and how you have been touched by those not immediately in your own family. The teacher who had just the right words of encouragement at a critical time. A church leader that you went to when you didn’t feel like you could approach your own parents. The parents of a friend who adopted you into their home and family. I’m sure that if we take a moment to look outside of our own homes, we will find a family or two to focus our energies on. It may not be a particularly “needy” family. All families have a need to be strengthened greater than what they are now. We all have potential for improvement. Through prayer and faith, a loving Heavenly Father will guide us as to how we can best serve and strengthen a family. If you are unable to think of any other way to support, sustain and help a family, there are organizations out there that could use volunteers. Maybe you could help out at a women’s and children’s shelter or donate a present or two to needy families at Christmas time. In whatever ways we are able to, we have a responsibility to our world and our God do all within our power to strengthen the family.

This past summer I was visiting one of my best friends from junior high and high school as we briefly passed through Los Angeles on a summer vacation. We got to talking and catching up on each other’s lives. Her husband is a script-writer in Hollywood. That was neat and we provided lots of conversation. She now also has a son and so we talked about motherhood. Eventually, the conversation turned towards what we are doing currently. That’s when she told me that she was almost done getting her helicopter pilot’s license! She wasn’t sure exactly what she would do with it, but it was fulfilling a dream for her.

Over time I’ve thought about my own dreams and what I’ve wanted to do. Our prophet has counseled the women of the church to continue their education—whether that is to help out with the economic needs of the family now or to provide stimulation and enrichment that will bless her and her children for generations to come. He said, “It is the obligation of every woman of this Church to get all the education she can. It will enlarge her life and increase her opportunities. It will provide her with marketable skills in case she needs them” (Gordon B. Hinckley, “In the Arms of His Love,” Liahona, Nov 2006, 115–18). Sometimes it can be difficult and challenging. I thought I might share some of my own struggles to further my education.

When I first got married, I was only 20 years old and three semesters away from graduation. We discussed starting our family immediately but it seemed impossible to be able to do that, have enough money to live on, and for me to finish college. Fortunately, because of inspiration received as a direct result of a priesthood blessing, we figured out a way for me to graduate in only two semesters and work to save money for our family all without further delay in our plans for a family. Finishing three semesters of school in only two semesters was difficult, but do-able.

Several years later, with my husband in law school and our third baby on the way, I felt like it was time to further my education again. After prayer and fasting, we made the decision that I should go ahead and apply to graduate school. I was committed to being a stay-at-home-mom, however, and it was important to us that my education not override the counsel that mothers should be in the home. Again, it took some imaginative scheduling at times. And it meant that I went through the two year program much slower than my classmates. But we never hired a babysitter in that time. My husband and I arranged our schedules so that one of us would always be with the children. Usually, this meant that while one of us was in class, the other was home. But sometimes, it meant that I would take the children to campus with me and they would eat lunch and play with their daddy for an hour or two while I was in class. Then I would take them home again.

Other times, the difficulties in furthering my education have been financial. Several years ago we went through a very hard and trying time on our family because of tight finances. I can’t emphasize enough how desperately hard it was and how many tearful prayers for help we offered. Nevertheless, I had it in my head that I wanted to certify as a doula and a childbirth educator. There seemed no possible way for me to fulfill those dreams. Even though it didn’t cost nearly as much as a college education, the price at the time was completely and utterly out of reach.

But “necessity is the mother of invention”. Or better yet, “the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them” (1 Nephi 3:7). As it turns out, I found a certifying organization who offered need-based scholarships. I applied and was denied. But the next quarter I applied again and was accepted into the scholarship program. Eventually I was certified as a childbirth educator and it hadn’t cost me anything.

Still, what could I do about certifying as a doula? I wasn’t sure. But I joined an on-line group of birth professionals and began learning from them, participating in discussions and making friends. As it turns out, it wasn’t long after I joined that another woman joined the group. She was moving from the east coast to my city. She didn’t know a soul here. I offered to go around looking at some of the places she was considering renting and telling her my opinions on the living arrangements and the area. I did this over a period of two weeks for her. In the meantime, we became friends. And when she and her family finally arrived her, my family and I were there to help them unload their moving van. And guess what? She was a doula trainer from my childbirth organization. She was so grateful to me for my help during her move that she offered to give me the training for free! I still had to cover other costs, but we were able to scrape that together somehow.

Most of the education I am doing right now isn’t formal. I just like studying topics out on online. I particularly like to research women and children’s health issues. The great thing about this type of education is that it is essentially free. And with public libraries and the internet, there’s almost no limit to what you can learn or when you can learn it.

So what do you want to do? What are your dreams? What would you like to know or be good at? Will it require a degree? Maybe you started college, but never finished. Classes? Maybe you want to take that community photography class or attend the sewing class at your local craft store. Certification? An apprentice program? Can you gain this knowledge by reading and researching on your own or talking to more experienced women? Now once you’ve decided what it is that you need to do, find out what’s stopping you for accomplishing that? Is it time? Finances? Scheduling difficulties? Needing a babysitter?

I am sure that if we keep these needs in our minds and are prayerful about it, the Lord will open up a pathway for us to follow to pursue the dream. It may take time and it might not be a direct path. But we know that the Lord needs educated women and he will provide a way for us.

For me, my education has meant that I've been able to make a little money here or there. But more importantly, it has expanded my mind. For instance, although I am currently not doing anything with my college degrees, the critical eye and questioning attitude that I learned in my master's program has helped me to evaluate many decisions I am faced with. Reading research and understanding research design that was necessary for my thesis has helped me as I'm reviewing literature on childbirth studies. So although some might see me and say that I'm not "doing" anything with my education, I know that it has greatly enriched my life and blessed me in my daily work as a mother and homemaker. It has blessed my children as they see their mother studying and learning and struggling to accomplish something just like they are.

Today, during our family scripture study we were reading in Exodus 5. This is the first time Moses and Aaron approach Pharaoh about letting the children of Israel go three days into the desert to offer sacrifice to the Lord. Yeah, Pharaoh doesn’t like that idea very much and basically says, “Looks like you have some time on your hands, Israelite slaves, if you want to just go traipse off into the desert for three days! You must need more to do. So now, instead of just making bricks for me all day, you’ll have to go find the straw wherever you can, by yourself, and then make the bricks. Oh, and by the way, you still have to make the same number of bricks as yesterday.”

As we were reading this passage, it struck me that I use that same tactic with my own kids. “Let’s see, I asked you to take out the trash, but you went outside to play football. So since you have soooo much time on your hands, you now also have to clean up the family room.” I wondered if that was such a good idea for me to be emulating wicked Pharoah who held the Israelites as slaves.

The immediate response of the people to Moses and Aaron was “Look what you’ve gone and done now! Since you came, things are much worse than before!” Yeah, the people were none too pleased with Moses and Aaron. And Moses and Aaron sounded pretty surprised, too. They take it up with the Lord and say, “Now things are worse than before and you haven’t delivered anyone at all!”

That’s the chapter we read this morning. When we were done reading, I commented to the kids that what I found really interesting was that BEFORE Moses and Aaron approached Pharaoh, the Israelites didn’t seem to have it very bad. I mean, it seems to me like they were slaves—sure. But they were comfortable slaves. How motivated would they be to leave their comfortable homes, their fairly easy work and leave Egypt to follow Moses into the desert? So what’s really happening here in this chapter is that the Lord is beginning to separate His people from the Egyptians. He’s helping them find their own cultural identity. He’s helping them to really understand that even when you are living the life of a comfortable slave, you are still a slave. He’s taking away some of that comfort to motivate the people to want to leave Egypt, to want to follow their prophet into the desert, to be able to endure hardships, to engender faith.

So in the end, I still feel okay about playing the part of Pharaoh with my kids. My purpose, after all, isn’t to make them do my slave labor. My purpose is to teach them how to be self-motivated, responsible, hard workers who don’t need constant supervision. I want to make it very uncomfortable for them to need to be closely monitored all the time. I want them to be able to leave their bondage of only doing things because Mom said and reach the freedom of doing things because they need to be done and they are the ones there to take care of it. And playing Pharaoh accomplishes that.

LDS families are counseled to study the scriptures daily as a family. I’ve found that it’s a great foundation for gospel instruction and a starting point for gospel discussion. Beyond that, it has been a personal anchor to me in the tempests of life. When I have been struggling personally, our family scripture study has kept me grounded and strengthened my weak faith. It strengthens our family and shows the children how much we value the word of God.

In the beginning, we had a hard time with family scripture study. When our first child was too young to understand, it was often difficult to set aside the time for it. And, frankly, I felt a little foolish. I didn’t grow up in a home where we studied the scriptures and I felt awkward doing it with just my husband and a small baby who was unaware.

As she grew older, we bought her some scripture reader books published by the church. We all enjoyed going through and showing her the pictures and telling scripture stories and identifying characters in the picture. And although it wasn’t formal scripture study, it was something we did together as a small family and it was perfect for her level of understanding.

A few years later, though, we knew we needed to do more. But we hadn’t quite made the adjustment yet. One summer, my husband left for an internship in Belgium, leaving me alone with our three small children. I felt completely overwhelmed and utterly alone and inadequate to the task. I knew that I needed more divine help than I was currently receiving and that if I wanted that assistance and those blessings, I would need to do the best I could at what I had been asked to do.

So I started studying the scriptures with our three children-- ages 4, 2, and 1. When my husband returned it became a natural part of our family culture. In the evenings before bed we would sit down for scripture study. We would usually start with a prayer and follow that with a song. Then we would read. At first, we could only read one or two verses. That was all the time we had before their attention wavered. It was very hard to follow the story line, but we did it. And just over two years later our little family finished the 531 pages of the Book of Mormon. I had a wonderful feeling of accomplishment and felt I had fulfilled an obligation to the Lord to teach our little ones.

As the years went by, we were able to lengthen our scripture study to ten verses at a time and sometimes as much as a chapter a day. We continued to have little ones whose attention spans are short. Some days we could do more than others. We continued to study in the evenings before bed, with Mom or Dad reading. I admit that I was a "scripture hog." I loved to be the voice and read the scriptures in what I felt was a meaningful way that the children could easily understand. I liked to put in facial expressions and emphasize certain words depending on whether the person was behaving well or poorly. And I found that as I read that way, I personally got much more out of scripture study than I had before. And although over time we have omitted the song, we still always ended with a family prayer.

On occasion, we stop from our regularly scheduled scripture study to memorize certain scriptures that teach important doctrine. On those nights, we read and discuss the scripture and then over the next several nights we practice reciting it and see who can get the farthest without making a mistake.

Recently, we have had to make another change in our family scripture study. Because of the increasing activities taking place at night, finding a time when we were all home in the evenings for scripture study became very difficult. So we made the big switch to morning scripture study. I admit that I was skeptical and not very supportive of the change at first. I thought it would be too difficult and cause too many problems. But I have been pleasantly surprised as the Lord has blessed and helped our family.

It has been remarkable to start the day out together as a family and not just frantically taking care of our own personal morning needs. I feel like I am sending my children out into the world prepared to fight the good fight and wearing the armor of God. We gather at 7:15 in our living room. I purchased some inexpensive copies of the Bible, since we are currently reading in the Old Testament, so that we could all have a copy that was to be kept in the living room (as opposed to everyone scouring the house for their personal, leather-bound copies). In the past, Mom or Dad usually did all the reading. But now that we each have a set handy, it’s easy and it helps everyone pay better attention if we each take turns reading a few verses. I also like having everyone read because then each of the kids gets to hear their siblings reading the word of God, not just Mom and Dad. Plus, there’s the added benefit of providing an auditory as well as a visual learning experience for our many different types of learners. After we finish a chapter, we kneel down together as a family and Dad usually picks someone to say the family prayer for us.

I do miss having the together time as a family in the evenings that we used to have when did our family scripture study then. And since it’s easier to do the rest of our morning routine without little ones, we don’t bother to wake our 18 month old or our 3 year old for family scripture study. Although, if they wake up on their own they are welcomed and loved, of course! There’s nothing better than morning cuddles from the little ones while you study scriptures. But I think it’s rather sad that our little ones are so often left out of our morning family scripture study. And so I’m thinking that I’d like to add something back into the evening routine for whoever’s schedule allows them to be there for it. I just want to make sure we aren’t missing anyone.

But this is the beauty I think of families. Each one is different with different needs and different strengths and talents and resources to take care of those needs. So that when we are counseled that we should study the scriptures and pray daily as a family, each family will find their own way to go about doing it. What is your family scripture study like?

Martha and Mary were sisters who both received the Savior into their home. Being the good host that she was and knowing that Jesus and his disciples would need to be fed and probably washed, Martha set to work serving them and attending to their needs. Mary, on the other hand, apparently sat down at the Savior’s feet and “heard his word”. After so long of this, Martha had had just about enough. She goes to Jesus and says, “Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? Bid her therefore that she help me.” But Jesus answers her in wisdom. In today’s terms what he said to Martha might sound something like this, “Martha, you have so many things on your plate that you are worried about. But Mary has decided to do the one thing that is an absolute necessity and I can’t ask any more of her.”

Sister Beck, the general president of our Relief Society (women’s organization) has said, there are “essential things which must be done before nonessential things. These are simple, indispensable practices that almost seem mundane when we talk about them. However, they are marks of discipleship which have always been foundational for Relief Society sisters. No one can do these things for us—these are personal practices and habits that set us apart as strong and immovable for that which is correct.”

Her list of these essential things included:

1. Make and keep covenants with the Savior.
2. Are worthy and worship in God’s temples.
3. Study His doctrine in the scriptures and the words of prophets.
4. Qualify for, recognize, and follow the Holy Ghost.
5. Share and defend the gospel.
6. Participate in sincere personal and family prayer.
7. Have family home evening.
8. Live principles of self-reliance and provident living.

Furthermore, Sister Beck has also stated that Mormon women should be “selective about their own activities and involvement to conserve their limited strength in order to maximize their influence where it matters most” and that we should “choose carefully and do not try to choose it all.”

We all know what it feels like to have demands coming at us from several directions at once, to have more on our to do lists than we can possibly get done. It makes us feel frazzled and inadequate. We get burned out. And at the end of the day, although we may have actually accomplished much, did we really accomplish what was most important? How can we be sure to choose to do the needful thing which shall not be taken away from us?

Yesterday, my visiting teachers came over and as their lesson they chose the text from Sister Beck’s talk, “Mothers Who Know.” They gave me a journal to write down all the things that I’d like to get done in a day—all the demands that are placed on me, all the tasks I need to accomplish. Then, knowing that I may not be able to accomplish that all in my next 16 hours, I mark the things that are essential for me to accomplish that day. This list will always include my personal scripture study and prayer. What better way to exemplify Mary and to sit at the Savior’s feet for a few minutes each day and listen to his word? Then after that, the list may change. Right now, one of the essential things on my list is to talk to my teenager right when she gets home from school using that 20 minutes before anyone else gets home to connect personally with her. This is a crucial time for that and I can’t afford to get distracted by anything else. Another thing on my essential list is to take the time to really talk to my kids instead of just “disciplining” them when they do something wrong. It’s important to me to take those opportunities to teach from the scriptures and listen and really to talk to them about our expectations rather than just sending them to a time out. This means that if I’m washing dishes or folding laundry or on the computer when an incident happens, I need to immediately stop what I am doing and take the time to teach that child. That is essential. And folding the laundry or finishing the dishes or writing an email, while it may be pressing, is less important.

How will you become more like Mary? What will be on your essential and needful list of things to do? What are some of the less important things that you may have to let go for a while so you can do that which matters most?

The first time I heard Sister Julie B. Beck speak as President of the Relief Society was during General Women’s Conference at the end of September. I was amazed by her bold speech and felt myself drawn into something much larger than myself. I knew that she was the woman the Lord had inspired our prophet to call to lead the women of the church for the next little while. I found myself hungry for her strong words. I wanted to do better. I knew I could do better and I was motivated to try. As one sister said to me after the conference, “I felt like she was going to raise The Title of Liberty and gather us all to it.” I felt that feeling. Like she was issuing a rally cry to the women of the church and my heart yearned to answer the call.

When I realized she was speaking at General Conference, I wondered what more she could say. Again, I heard a powerful message directed to the women of the church. I was so grateful to have such a strong leader for our beloved world-wide Relief Society.

Her talk began with the reminder that “Mothers who know” desire children. She quoted from the First Presidency, reiterating that the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth is still in effect today and quoting President Benson who said that we should not postpone our families. This sentiment stands in stark contrast to the culture of selfishness today that results in almost 1,000,000 abortions yearly in the United States alone. We remember that we are not women of the world who are not willing to make the sacrifices or bear the burdens of rearing children. But we recognize the joy and fulfillment that comes through motherhood.

She also reassures those who cannot bear children that their righteous desires and the value they place on motherhood will rise with them in the resurrection where they will be blessed accordingly. And even though mortality seems like a long time to forgo those promised blessings, she promises us that eternity is a much longer time to enjoy them.

Sister Beck continues by telling us that "Mothers who know" honor sacred ordinances and covenants. She tells the story of sisters from poor parts of the world who dress in their Sunday best and take care that their children look nice because of their understanding of the importance of the covenants that they will be renewing in the Lord’s house that day. These mothers point their children towards the temple because of the influence and power they have in their homes to make sure their children are headed towards eternal goals.

She reminds us that "mothers who know" are nurturers. We know this is one of our divine roles from the Proclamation on the Family. With home and family being so precious and sacred, she tells us that we need to create a “house of order” like the Temple where spiritual and temporal growth can abound. This will include gaining and improving homemaking skills and teaching them to our children.

We "Mothers who know" are leaders of our families and our households. We plan for the small, daily spiritual experiences within the walls of our home as well as planning for larger events such as missions, temple marriage and college educations. As leaders of eternal families, we need to be careful about where and how we spend our time. We should also be careful of worldly models of parenting that will undermine our planning.

"Mothers who know" are teachers. Sister Beck encourages us to think of our homes as pre-Missionary Training Centers. Home should be the first and foremost place where the gospel is taught. Everything else is secondary and should merely be for support and review.

"Mothers who know" do less. The world will tell us that we need to “do it all.” But Sister Beck refutes that with the simple idea that we do not have to. Nor, indeed, can we. Instead, we prioritize our time and efforts so that we give the most care to things that are most important—like spending quality time with our families and preparing them to build the Kingdom of God. We can let the rest go.

Sister Beck concludes her talk by quoting President Hinckley who has asked the women of the church to "stand strong and immovable for that which is correct and proper under the plan of the Lord" and to "begin in [our] own homes."

Once again, I felt the powerful whisperings of the Holy Ghost confirming to me that Sister Beck is the woman the Lord has called to lead the women of the church today. She is a strong, bold woman of faith and conviction. I have greatly enjoyed re-reading her talks from General Women’s Conference and General Conference. I know that if we women will listen with open hearts to her words and prayerfully ask the Lord how we can follow her inspired counsel in our homes, we will be greatly blessed.

When I was a young mother, the Relief Society was rearranging all of the visiting teaching assignments. I was excited to see who my new visiting teaching companion would be and which sisters we would be asked to visit. I was very disappointed to see that my companion was Belinda, a woman who was much older than me who had already been divorced and remarried. I didn’t think we’d have anything common. And two of the three sisters that we were assigned to seemed to have lots of problems- emotional, physical, social, and financial. They both had gruff personalities that left me intimidated and even a little frightened.

But that first month that we had our new assignment, she called me up and invited me over to her house. She had an idea for a craft we could make for the sisters we visit taught. I brought my baby over and her two girls, ages 4 and 5 played with my baby while we women “worked.” Belinda suggested that we should start out with a prayer and so we prayed to learn to love our sisters and to be guided as we prepared our lesson so that we could know what God wanted them to know and what we could do to help them.

I really enjoyed the time away from my colicky and needy baby who was briefly happy, having these two older girls dote on her. And making the craft was so much fun! While we worked, we discussed that month’s lesson and what seemed most important to us and decided which of us would present the lesson to each sister. I found that while Belinda had led a very different life from me, she was a very faithful woman from whom I could learn a lot. I enjoyed her company immensely and had a wonderful time that day.

On the day we went visiting teaching, she drove. She made sure that we prayed together as companions before entering each sister’s home. I won’t tell you that it went smoothly. It was difficult for me. The sister with many emotional needs was off-putting to me and I couldn’t wait to leave. The sister with the physical disabilities made me equally uncomfortable.

But month after month went by with Belinda and I getting together to talk, discuss that month’s lesson and do a craft or bake cookies for the sisters, and of course to pray for them. And little by little, the visits with the sisters we were assigned to were much less scary and even enjoyable. I could see them opening us to up and warming up to us. I could see them beginning to rely on us and that we were receiving inspiration on how to help them and to say the right things at the right times to buoy their spirits and give them courage in the face of adversity.

In fact, all of the friendships were blossoming. Belinda and I were getting together much more frequently than once a month and calling each other on the phone just to chat. Our families were getting together to share Family Home Evenings. We even had a garage sale together. We weren’t just visiting the sisters we were assigned to monthly. We each, separately, might drop by to say hello to them or call them up to talk.

Eventually, the assignments were changed again, but Belinda and I continued to stay in touch with each of “our” sisters. A year or so later, we moved out of state. When we went back to visit for the holidays, I still called Belinda and we would go visit “our” sisters. One year during one of my visits, one of the sisters was in the hospital and she died just a few days afterwards. I was sad to lose a friend and yet so happy that I had been given the opportunity to come to know and love this woman. I was so grateful to have been part of the Lord’s work. I know that I was an instrument in His hands to bless these women’s life. And because of it, my life was also greatly blessed.

When I was younger I didn’t find it too hard to make friends. I had a group of close friends who ate lunch together and hung out on Friday nights. And then I had my one or two very best friends.

But a lot changes when you get married. And even more changes when you have babies. Now, even if I have a free afternoon to go do something with someone, there’s no guarantee that her schedule is equally free. And frankly, there just isn’t always a lot of spare time to invest in relationships — what with the laundry, the dishes, the chauffering and all. And did I mention the laundry?

Which is why I think I’ve often felt lonely and isolated. But Heavenly Father doesn’t intend for us to feel that way. And knowing that God helps those who help themselves, this is how I tackled that very problem several years ago.

We had just moved into a new neighborhood. We had lived in our previous place for a year and I never really made one friend. My husband told me I needed to do something about that and since I also wanted to find a friend, I readily agreed with him. I decided that each Friday I would just call up a sister in our new ward and invite her over for lunch so I could get to know her.

The first Friday lunch was alright. It was a sister who had two small children and the conversation was a little strained and our parenting styles didn’t quite match up. I could tell she was worried about her boys while she was at my house. Still, it was nice to get to know someone. But I wondered whether my Friday lunches were really such a good idea.

As it turns out, our first day in our new ward a man introduced himself to my husband and said, “I think we know you.” This was a man whom I had known way back when before his mission when we were just 18 year old freshmen at college. My husband didn’t know him well, if at all. I did have some vague memories of him and certainly remembered his name. Neither one of us knew his wife who was several years younger than us. It was actually really comforting to think that we had moved so close to people from our hometown.

When we got home, my husband mentioned to me that this husband had taken him aside and talked about how lonely his wife was and what a hard time she was having with their new baby who was less than a month old. I thought about how lonely I was and decided I’d call her up and see if she could come over for lunch the next Friday.

It was one of the most fun and wonderful days I’ve had as a stay-at-home mom just staying home. She came for lunch and we ate together. And then we talked. The conversation moved from the kitchen to the living room and then outside in my backyard. We talked about our hometown and mutual acquaintances and marriage and babies and the gospel. I don’t even know what all we talked about, but I do remembering loving every minute of the conversation. We never seemed to be at a loss for a topic to discuss. She has since told me that she was so worried about staying for so long but was enjoying herself so much and didn’t feel lonely for the first time in a long time.

That lunch lasted for several hours. The friendship has lasted for seven years. Jessica is one of my best friends and we can still talk for hours. Recently I was hospitalized and when I got out of the hospital she dropped by to give me a little plaque she made that says, “A friend is one of the nicest things to have, and one of the best things you can be.” I put it on my refrigerator. My husband came home that evening and saw it and said that was one of the sweetest things. He asked me if Jessica knew how much her friendship meant to us and how much we valued it. He wanted to make sure I was initiating enough phone calls to her (I was, believe me!).

That one act of reaching out a little past my comfort zone has brought me years and years of wonderful companionship, no matter where we've lived and I’m so grateful for that blessing in my life.

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

My favorite scripture about women is found in Proverbs 31. When I read these verses, I picture a warm and welcoming wife embracing her husband at the end of a hard day’s work. She spends an evening listening to him and encouraging him. This woman is often up in the dark of night with a sick child or taking care of household matters that she ran out of time for during the day. She is busy all the day long taking care of the needs of her children and her household.

But that’s not all. She is smart and savvy, even a business woman of sorts who uses her talents to help bring income to her household. She is a hard worker. She has prepared her family and finds peace in that knowledge. She is self-confident and has high self-esteem.

Yet still there’s more. She serves others with compassion and offers them relief. She is wise and kind. Her children love her and her husband praises her. Her own works speak of her goodness.

One night after studying these verses, I mentioned to my husband what an honor it was to be married to him. That I felt like he was an elder that was known within the gates. I appreciated his service in our church and to our fellow man. But he had a different interpretation of verse 23. He pointed out to me that even though this scripture seems to be talking about a virtuous woman’s husband, it’s still praising the woman.

The point of this verse is that the husband would not be free to be with the elders of the church within the city gates except for the fact that his virtuous wife was single-handedly running the household so well, taking care of business, raising the children and allowing him by her sacrifice and support to leave and take care of his obligations to the church.

And then my husband praised me for my own work that has allowed him to fulfill and magnify his church callings, to teach, preach, exhort and bless. That he is only able to do that when I am willing to bear the burden at home and let him go. He told me that if I felt he was known within the gates and among the elders, it was because I was being that virtuous woman.

When we were a young couple just starting out our family, things were easily overwhelming. We had our first 4 children by the time the oldest was 5 years old. Running errands or taking care of tasks was always difficult even when my husband and I decided to "divide and conquer" with one or two each in tow. Nights were often sleepless and there was an endless supply of diapers to change. We couldn’t afford a babysitter or a date and certainly not both in the same month! There was school to finish and jobs to find. And while all of this was going on, I was desperately trying to learn how to cook, clean, teach, and play.

But there was also joy. I remember the evenings where my husband and I would just sit together on the couch and watch our children all play together. We’d give each other that look that said we understood a little bit of heaven and wished this moment could last forever. There were Saturday mornings when all the kids came in our bed and we wrestled and watched the babies go "4-wheelin’" over all the bodies giggling and hiding in the blankets beneath them.

I figured parenthood would always be like that and was prepared and felt experienced. So I was surprised when things changed after the first decade of parenthood. By then we had 6 children. Suddenly my husband and I found ourselves experiencing our first freedoms as parents. If we took a cell phone with us, it was okay to go for a solitary walk together in the evenings—alone! Instead of loading all the kids up in car seats in our van just to go return a movie before we were fined late fees, I could just hop in the car and drive the few blocks and get it done in half the time with none of the hassles. Most astoundingly was that sometimes we actually had money for dates and the babysitters were free and built-in!

The first time we left our kids alone for a real, night-time date where we would be gone for several hours, I admit I was worried. And coming home, I expected to face a disaster and to have to put everyone to bed. Instead, we were greeted by a quiet house that was all locked up and put to bed with blinds closed and lights off. There was a note on the kitchen table written by my oldest daughter that said:

Mom and Dad,

We couldn’t remember where we were reading in the scriptures before bed so we just read a chapter in Alma. That reminded us of an Article of Faith. So we recited it. We put the boys to bed at 8:30 and we went to bed at 9:00. We hope you had a good time!

I didn’t worry so much after that. They had even cleaned the kitchen.

That’s not to say that it’s always perfect now, either. Not by a long shot. The kids don’t play so much together now and the differences and contentions between the boys and the girls are exaggerated now that we are in the pre-teen/teen years. At least one daughter is already starting to display estrogen flare-ups that leave me utterly bewildered and overloaded from time to time. It’s hard to keep up with the soccer games, dance recitals, voice lessons, cub scouts and after school activities. And there are still sleepless nights and yet more diapers I am changing.

But even with all of that, it’s still so good. I see them struggling to learn empathy and responsibility and respect as they change from children to adults. I see them turning to the Lord to make their difficult decisions and finding their own sweet testimonies. They are discovering talents and going after dreams by setting righteous goals. It’s very satisfying and such a source of rich and profound happiness.

I can see how parenthood is like Godhood. Ultimately he is our father. And when I want my children to get along and help each other, I better understand what he wants from me in my interactions with my fellowmen and how he loves them and knows them just as much as he knows and loves me. I can see how managing my family with love and kindness through tireless service is making me more like the Savior. It is hard work. But each time I am willing to make the sacrifice, I also receive a portion of those joys and blessings that are there for those who are willing to do his work.